Why I did what I did

I admit it.  I was being a little over dramatic about my not so great hair cut.  It's fine.  It will do.  I might go back to a lighter color next month, as I'm pretty sure God intended for me to be a blonde... even if my roots took a different turn once I entered my 30's.  I've never been one to get so upset over hair -- it grows back after all!  So, why did it send me into an all-out hysterical breakdown on the bathroom floor?

Lately, I have not been feeling like myself.  I gained weight after the wedding and it has left my head spinning.  I've struggled with my weight all my life, but this time it seems different.  It feels overwhelming.  It feels claustrophobic and unbearable.  Like I cannot escape it or outsmart it this time.  I hate that feeling.  So, I've been eating super healthy and exercising and the weight hasn't budged.  AT. ALL.

This has left me feeling horrible and not wanting to be very social.  I agonize over what to wear and really have to give myself a pep-talk before going out.  Literally, a 'YOU CAN DO THIS!' to myself.  This is not like me.  I like being around people (I know... Beth, you can laugh out loud now) and I love being social.  Lately, I just want to stay home with Doug and sit on the couch with my snuggie.  (Side note: I LOVE my snuggie... I have two of them!)  

I thought a quick change would do some good.  I would spice it up a bit and leave the salon feeling like a new woman.  Problem was, it didn't work.  Instead, I felt worse.  I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize myself at all.  I drove home crying and then landed on the bathroom floor.  I'm admit to being a drama queen, but not a cryer.  Doug found me there with dark short hair and puffy eyes.  Poor thing.  It was a no-win situation.  He did great, made me smile and gave me some much needed hugs.

I really didn't realize I was in such a funk until I was on that floor.  It might have been helpful if I would have figured this all out before the new hair color... but, oh well.  There is no going back now.  I pretty much cried off and on all weekend (again, poor Doug) and now I'm left to figure out what to do next.  I can't stay at home all the time and I cannot go back to crying on the floor.  I've gotten use to my hair and now it's time to get back to recognizing myself.  I don't want to cringe when I look in the mirror.  I don't want to dread being around people and dread events.  I want to feel like myself ... like the girl who boxed and has run mini-marathons ... like the girl that loves to hang with friends at the drop of a hat ... like the girl that is confident when working a crowd.  I know she's in there somewhere and I want her back.

Note to Self...

Note to Self...

DO NOT get a new haircut and color when:

1. You are not having the best week.

2. You are feeling especially fat.

3. You have cramps.

Only BAD things will come of this.  Bad bad things.  I would post a picture, but I just can't do it.   

Also note:

Remember that when your DH comes home from work and finds you crying on the bathroom floor, he might not know immediately what to do.  When he tells you that crying on the bathroom floor does not make ANY of these things (including the bad cut and color) better, he is saying that out of true true love and is desperately trying to help. 

Great Kitchen Tool!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this kitchen tool!  As you already know, I'm not the greatest in the kitchen!  But this makes my life soooo much easier!  I always had the hardest time getting the most out of a pineapple! Now I have no trouble!  These aren't the best pictures, but you get the idea!  It's a P. Ch.ef tool, in case you want to run and get one!

The pineapple slicer!

Step one: Cut the top off.

Step two: Cut the bottom off.

Start slicing!

A perfectly cored pineapple!  

It's crazy sharp... so you just have to be careful taking out the core!  Overall, a great kitchen too!

Sew, organization and my poor thyroid!

So Ann and JBTC were saying I need an update... thanks for checking in ladies... here you go:

First of all, it was soooo wonderful to have Sew in town!  I had missed her and missed hanging out with the girls.  Back in the day, Beth would call me and say, "Hey Jenny, I'm doing such and such, want to come?"  It didn't matter what the such and such were, I would take off work in a heartbeat and head her way.  I haven't done that for a long time!  It was nice to take some much needed time off work and just hang out.  They got me to go to the zoo -- animals and outdoors are not my favorite two things in the world -- but it was a lot of fun.  We (well, Sew) organized, we played with the kids and had a girls night out on the town.  Perfection.  Oh... and I did make (well, I didn't force) Sew to watch a tad (well, a lot) of the wedding video!  But I didn't not make her look at all 1500 photos (only about 150ish)!  Ha!!

We had so much fun!

While Sew was here, I too got on the glass-jar-super-organized-pantry bandwagon!  Love it!  My DH does not know what to think about my new label maker.  I've become a bit obsessed.  But he said if labeling makes me happy, then label away!   I only wish it had a spell check -- I can't spell!!  My kitchen is not perfect... but it is more manageable.  I'm going to work on the other areas of the house soon!  Now, if Ann could come help decorate, I'd be set!!

I love this thing!

Going a little label crazy -- labeling my cutie.  Ha! He wasn't so happy about it!

My attempt at organization!

Sew also played the role of Dr. Sew while she was in town.  I had an appointment with Dr. G.  I swear I was in the twilight zone in that waiting room.  First, there was a woman, with 8 small kids who came into the office.  Hmm... women with 8 kids at the fertility doctor... I'm thinking she was at the wrong location!  Yep, she was!  The receptionist directed her down the hall to the peds dentistry office!  Second, there was this couple that literally made me laugh out loud.  The quote that got me, from the guy: "Honey, after my divorce is final, we can use that alimony money for that IVF thing and make us a baby."  Classy!  There was another woman there that looked like she was praying while she waited.  We were next to each other.  When they finally called my name, she looked at me and said, "Lucky."  That is how messed up that waiting room was!  Twilight zone I tell ya!

The appointment went really well.  My Day 3 initial blood work came back ok... except my thyroid is all messed up.  When Dr. Sew looked at my numbers, she was amazed I was awake and alert.  I didn't realize the numbers were that high.  It's funny... Dr. Sew told me to have my thyroid checked a while ago!  Looks like she knows best!  The numbers are way above the 'normal' range, so I started syn.throid.    He said that if I don't notice a change, they will either up it, or switch the meds.  So we shall see.

The thyroid stuff makes sense... I am always exhausted.  I feel about done with my day at 2pm... I have to push myself to get through the work day.  I then go home, do the wife thing, then go off to a small part-time job.  I'm usually so exhausted I have trouble sleeping... I go to bed late and wake up around 4:30am ... so the cycle just goes on and on.  I always attributed being so tired from my lack of sleep and weight.  It's nice to have a bit more insight into the exhaustion.  I have not noticed a huge change... but it's only been a week.  I'm giving it a bit more time, then will ask to switch it up if needed.  The one change I have noticed is my morning temps are markedly higher.  I don't know if that's from the meds or maybe I might have actually ovulated this cycle... could it be???  Who knows!??  But I kind of wish I did!

My mom told me that she had thyroid issues when she was first married and trying to get preggo too.  Like mother, like daughter.  She had blocked tubes, I have a blocked tube.  She didn't ovulate, doesn't seem like I do (but maybe!!??).  She had to be on thyroid meds, same for me.  Hmmm.  It took her seven years to have a BFP... I'm hoping it only takes me 7 months!  We've been married 6 now!  Ha!

Guess Who??

Guess who I get to hang out with this week??  Sew!!  Yep... Sew has arrived in town!  I know... I'd be jealous too!  I have not seen her in months and I can't wait to hang out with her and Beth during the next few days!  I'm happy to be the third wheel with this gang!!  I hear they are going to be fixing up some PW meals and having lots of fun around Indy!  I'll be sitting in a cubical at work for most of her visit (ugh!), but we are all going out Friday night to see Beth's DH's band play.  They are awesome!  Sew said she wanted to take us out 'Sew Style'... I'm not sure we, or at least I, can handle it!!  Hahahaha!!  This week has been craptacular, so getting to hang with these too makes it all better!

Prayer Buddy and Happy Easter!

The Lord is Risen, Alleluia!!! He is Risen, indeed!

I am so glad that Lent is over!  I usually LOVE Lent!  This year was no different, but it seemed sooooooo long.  Maybe it was the never-ending (except in the last week) gloomy weather and freezing temperatures.  I was over all of it!  I was so glad to hear the joyful music at mass this morning!  It was wonderful to see everyone appearing happy and walking with a spring in their step!

Being a part of the Prayer Buddies was one of my favorite aspects of Lent!  I had the privilege of praying for Mrs. Blondie from Waiting For Baby Blondie!  It was wonderful to be able to pray for her.  I went back and read her blog history to get to 'know' her a bit better.  I prayed for her and her hubby D, especially when she had surgery and was recovering.  I thought about her often and lifted her up in prayer many times during the day and while I was at mass.   Having someone specific to pray for was a great way to keep me focused on prayer!  I loved it!  I also held all of the bloggers close to my heart during this Lent!  It is wonderful to be a small part of such a wonderful group of ladies!  Thanks so much to my prayer buddy... whoever you are!!  I prayed for you often and thanks for all the prayers!!  You rock!

Doug and I went to Ohio for Easter to see my parents.  It was a nice visit and long overdue!  I love being at 'home' and this trip was no different.  We had a very low-key and relaxing weekend.  We did a little shopping (new curtains!!), did a little cooking and even played a little w.ii with mom and dad.  We celebrated my dad's birthday and just hung out.  My dad and Doug tinkered around in the garage together -- it's nice to see their relationship develop!  I love it.  They are so much a like... in all the good ways!  Doug and I surprised my mom and dad with a preview of our official wedding video.  Our videographers gave us a rough advanced copy of the Nuptial Mass and some reception highlights.  They were very excited!  It was great to watch the wedding with them and see their emotions... my dad was crying the whole time all over again.  I admit, I shed a few tears as well.  Overall, it was a great little trip!

I hope all of you are feeling the peace of the risen Lord!  Happy Easter!  Alleluia!

p.s.  Ann -- the photos of the Easter dishtowels are coming soon!  :)