Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween from my little super hero!

Prayers Needed Please

Where's The Milk???

I hate that this is my first post-baby post... but it is.  I am in need of your prayers ladies.

George and I are having some major nursing issues.  It's breaking my little heart that the little man is having so much trouble eating.

Turns out my nipples are funky - so we are using a nipple shield.  I had no clue - they looked normal to me!  His tongue is also an issue.  So together with my funky nipples (aren't you glad you know my nipples are funky!?) and his tongue, there are a lot of latch issues.  A LOT!

I'm also having a lot of supply issues.  I knew there was a risk of this... with my history of PCOS and thyroid problems.  So I prepared a head of time.  Talked to LC, my doctors, my expert nursing friends, etc.  I was hopeful that this wouldn't be an issue... but it appears it is.

I'm doing as much as possible to boost my supply.  I'm pumping.  I'm taking supplements and prescription meds.  I'm eating oatmeal.  You name it, I'm doing it.  It's not helping all that much.

The lactation consultants have been really wonderful.  I think I have the lactation department on speed dial.  I've been to support groups this week and had an outpatient appointment so they could watch George eat.  He did fine there.  Notsomuch at home.

Now we have the added bonus of blisters and bleeding nipples.

Yowzers.

I have been fighting myself the last few days.  Fighting the feeling that I'm already failing as a mother because I *may* not be able to nurse my child long term because of my stupid fertility issues.  The failure word just kept looming over me.  Pair that with the stress of nursing with all these issues, no sleep and my whacked out hormones... wow.  Not fun.

This morning I was texting Sew and I realized something else.  So much of me wanting to nurse is about ME.  I mean, the main reason I want to nurse is because it is best for George.  But then there are all these other reasons that really have NOTHING to do with George -- but everything to do with me.

I want to be a BFing mom.

I want to be part of the BF club, so to speak.  At work, all the mom's that nurse gather, talk about it, support each other -- even have access to their own 'lactation support' room.  I have so wanted to be part of the mom club for so long... and especially have a key to that room.  Sounds silly when I say it, but it's true.  I don't want people to judge if I have to give my baby formula or another supplement.  I'm afraid they will.

I want the convenience of BFing.  We will have a hard time with the cost of a supplement.

I don't want to feel like a failure.

Ugh.

See... so much is about ME??  I need prayers to let my pride shrink.  I need to die to myself here and just do whatever is best for my baby -- which ultimately is just feeding him.

So, please pray along with me.  There are so many emotions happening here lately.  I feel like a crazy mom!

One that that did make me feel better -  this amazing LC at the hospital.  She was emailing me last night as I was trying to nurse and crying at the same time.

She had this to say:

God rejoices that you want the best for your baby.  

God wants the best for you and that includes rest and peace. ENJOY GEORGE and rest in God's love tonight, 

knowing He has you and your family in the palm of his hand.  

It makes me cry and feel that everything will be ok every time I read it.  What an amazing woman.  Thank you for the prayers ladies.

Hello Blogger Aunties

Hi.  I'm baby George.  I'm crazy cute, don't you think?  My mommy will blog more when she's a bit more settled!  Thank you for all the prayers and well wishes!

Pier Giorgio Frassati, Pray for Us!

He's here!

Hi everyone, it's Hebrews reporting for Jenny! I'm thrilled to introduce you to George Theodore!
He was born at 3:25 this afternoon, weighing 7 lbs 4 oz and 20 in long. Mama and Baby George are doing well! Congrats Jenny and Doug!! Haha I couldn't decide which pics so I posted them all! He is a keeper! God is so good!

Hospital bound!

Hi everyone, Hebrews here again. Jenny is headed to the hospital to start low dose pitocin since she is not having contractions yet. Let's all get ready to meet her little boy! Keep checking back for updates!

Labor Update!

Hey ladies... here's the update!

I'm still at home!  Water broke this morning while out to breakfast with my friend!  She had taken me out because I'd had a rocky morning, with my car going all bonkers on my way to my OB appointment.  When I got up from the table at breakfast, I noticed I was a bit... ummm... wet!

Back to my OB we went!  It was in fact my waters breaking!  Whoot!  She said I could go home and see if things got started!  Doug headed home and so did I!  This was Doug's predicted "Baby is coming" date, so he had almost stayed home from work!

We took a nap, had some food, picked up the fixed car and have been walking.  I'm having some contractions off and on, but nothing regular yet.  If they do not pick up, then we will head into the hospital tomorrow morning to get this party started!

This is all good!  I can do this!!

Good timing that it's been slow going, because our doula is at another birth right now!  AHHHH!  My parents just arrived, so that is great!  We dropped Daisy off at Day Care... she did not even look back.  Sniff sniff.  :(  Hahaha!

I (or Hebrews!) will update at things move on!  Thanks so much for the prayers... and we will be praying for you all too!

And we are keeping this off Facebook for right now!! Thanks!

Baby is on the way!

Hi bloggers! This is Hebrews, and if I'm on Jenny's blog it can only mean one thing...Baby Boy is making his arrival!!!

J texted me awhile ago to say her water broke! A friend took her to the doctor because her car is in the shop. She is 2 cm and 70% effaced. She's heading home to get her bag and her hubby, and then off to the hospital! She is not having contractions yet that she knows of. I will blog any updates as soon as I get them.

Let's all pray for a healthy labor and birth and a healthy baby boy! St. Gerard, pray for Jenny!

It's not lost

The amazing fact that I am pregnant and so blessed to be so is not lost on me.

It is so easy to take a pregnancy for granted.  I don't know any IFer's or former IFer's that do so, but I see it all the time with the 'normal folks'.  It was one of the hardest things to ever witness as I was going through my IF journey.

Last year, I wrote this post.  I remember going to this baby shower.  It was for a dear friend of mine who is one of the nicest ones I know.  I didn't begrudge her her baby (#2) or her baby shower.  But it was hard.  I didn't want to get out of the car.  Doug had to practically peel me off of my seat.  I spent the majority of the evening listening to baby and birth stories and texting Sew.  I had a pit in my stomach the whole evening.  I remember just wanting to cry because I never thought it would be my turn to have a baby shower with this group of mom's.

But I did.  In fact, my due date is almost exactly one year to the day of my friends due date.  Crazy, huh?  So much can change in a year.

When I went to my (well, it was a baby bonfire for me and Doug!) baby shower this year, it felt strange.  It was wonderful and everyone was so happy for us.  They learned of our long journey (some had suspected) after our pregnancy It was just so strange that a year ago I didn't want to get out of the car and this year, the party was for us.  Great feeling, but strange at the same time.  My heart was heavy that night.  I kept thinking of all my friends who are still on the journey, still waiting... still attending these showers and not wanting to get out of their cars.  That pain is not lost on me.  I remember it well.

I got pregnant just three months after my endo/tube surgery.  It was our first month charting napro with a instructor.  I never thought it would happen that fast... or even happen.  But it did and I'm well aware this is not always the case.

I feel blessed that I have had a fairly 'easy' pregnancy.  I had some progesterone issues in the beginning.  I was constantly petrified that something would go wrong.  I think I held my breath the entire first trimester.  I took progesterone and baby was fine.

I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and it didn't.  I had one slight 'scare'... which was self-induced.  I worked out too much at the gym and couldn't move.  I had horrible abdominal pain.  Hebrews had to talk me off a ledge that night.  I couldn't feel the baby move yet, so I was petrified.  I went in to see my OB the next day for a HB check and baby boy was just fine.

So the fact that this has been a great pregnancy while so many struggle is not lost on me either.  I'm so thankful for that.  I felt sick for 12 weeks, but I considered that a blessing.  It made me know things were ok.  No swollen feet.  No crazy aches and pains.  I've been able to remain fairly active.  No swollen hands or anything.  Heck, I'm still wearing my wedding rings.  This last week has been first time I've been really uncomfortable.  I think being 38/39 weeks and now just feeling crazy uncomfortable is pretty dang good.

I'm so blessed.  This fact will never be lost on me.

Ahhh! 39 weeks!

Wow!  Time has flown by! 

Just had to share...

I have a good IRL friend who is dealing with infertility issues.  She is Catholic, though not really practicing all the time.  We had been emailing recently and she was telling me how she was going down the AI, IUI and eventually IVF route to conceive.  I understand where she is coming from with her desire for children... but the thought of all those little frozen IVF babies got me.  I emailed her all about Napro and Creighton charting, how Doug and I went with church beliefs to conceive, etc.  I was a long shot, but I went out on the ledge and did it anyway.  It made me really nervous for some reason. I hadn't heard much from her for a while.

Today I got an email from her...

SHE'S SEEING A NAPRO DOCTOR AND CHARTING CREIGHTON!!!!!!!!  WHOOO HOOOO!  SHE'S NOT GOING TO DO IVF!!!!

WHOOOO HOOOOO!  Please say a little prayer for her!! :o)

And in other news... no Baby H yet!  I did clean the microwave at 6:30am today.  Nesting a bit... maybe that's a good sign!

The Weight Issue

It's no secret I've had a lifetime issue with my weight and body image.  I've been super heavy, "normal" and everywhere in between.  I've spent the majority of my life trying to lose weight.  It's the norm for me.  I've rarely not been on a diet or at least thinking/knowing I need to be.

I spent the the last year and a half losing weight as part of my 'plan' to be able to conceive.  I was very successful at it.  I lost over 100lbs.  I felt and dare I say looked pretty good.  But I still had issues.  I was constantly comparing myself to others who were on the same weight loss journey.  I didn't lose exactly like them.  I didn't lose as much.  I didn't lose as fast.  At times I considered myself a failure, even when my weight was falling just like it was suppose to and I was working out at the gym like a champ.

Now I'm pregnant. Praise the Lord!  Have the weight/body image issues gone away?  Nope.  To be clear, I'm not complaining.  I have loved loved loved being pregnant.  It's been such a blessing.  But that does not make it all easy.

The weight gain has mentally been one of the hardest parts of pregnancy.  I don't mind gaining the needed weight.  I would gain a zillion pounds if it meant bringing this precious little boy into the world.  But it's been hard.

It has been a hard shift in my thought process.  When you've spent almost every year since 3rd grade (when the chubbiness began) feeling fat and knowing the gaining weight is "BAD," suddenly being ok with gaining weight is not the easiest mind shift.  I have mostly been ok with it... but watching that number go up and up and up again has caused a lot of anxiety.

It all started about week 22...

I was feeling great, had a tiny tiny baby bump.  I still didn't look too pregnant, which to be honest, did bother me.  I wanted to look pregnant - not just heavy like I had my whole life.  I didn't want people to think I was just gaining my weight back, which is kind of what it looked like then.

At the same time, I had my 18 month post-weight loss surgery follow-up.  The dietitians said I was doing great.  I had been in touch with them a lot about making sure I was getting all the nutrients and vitamins I was needing.  They were thrilled with my weight gain, as weird as that sounds!

After my meeting with the supportive dietitian, I headed to see the doctor.  My surgeon also knew I was pregnant and had been supportive of all our TTC efforts.  But I didn't see her that day.  I saw the Physician Assistant instead.

It. Was. Horrible.

She came in (without reviewing my chart apparently) and the conversation went something like this:


"You've gained weight.  We have a serious problem."

"I'm pregnant."

"Was this planned?" (Insert judgmental tone here)

"Yes, we had been trying for several years."

"You mean you meant to get pregnant before you met your weight loss goals?"

"Yep, sure did.  I consider myself very blessed to have conceived this baby boy."

"Hmmm... well, I hope it comes off again after you have the baby."


I was crushed.  I was caught between wanting to smack her and crying.  I just shook my head and ran out the door.

Ever since then, I haven't known how to really deal with the weight gain.  My OB is not in the least concerned.  I'm right on track.  But I was and still am in some ways, all of the sudden, afraid the weight will not come off after baby boy is born.  Man, that PA lady messed with my mind!

I have tried to keep an open mind.  Knowing that while I will have to get back on the weight loss bandwagon once again after I give birth, I am starting from a healthier place to begin with.  I am trying to focus on the fact that a lot of this weight is mostly belly and baby and it's very different than when I would normally gain 30 + pounds.  To be truthful, it really is.  This weight gain is different.  I don't look the same I did at the same weight before.  I'm still in smaller clothes.  My face looks different.  I feel different - better than I did when I was still over 70lbs heavier than I am now.

I just constantly have to remind myself of that over and over and over.  Doug has to constantly remind me over and over and over.

So that is where I'm at.  It's not the aches and pains that have been the hard part of pregnancy, but this.  I will just have to try and try again to win this weight mind game.  It is not easy and I know it will be with me my entire life.   It will be... but hopefully the weight will not be.  But in the end, I must remember how far I've come and be proud of that!

Looking at this puts it back into prospective.  Me and Sew (pregnant with Hannah!) before my surgery in 2010.  I was at my heaviest - ever.   Then me and Daisy at 38 weeks this past Sunday.  Yep, this is something I can be proud of.  ;O)