Big Fat Ugly Tears

I left work early today.  I just could not stay there any longer.  I was having a day that consisted of:

Work.  Work.  Work.  Big Fat Ugly Tears.  More Tears.  Work.  Work.  Re-applying make-up.  More Tears.  Mascara smeared all over my face.  More Tears.  Finally deciding to call it a day.  Drive.  Drive.  More Tears.

They pretty much have not stopped.

I knew the mini-breakdown was on its way.  It has been brewing for awhile.  Last weekend Doug and I attended a 5 hour baby shower.  I did not want to go.  I was cramping, had horrible endo pain and I was not in a baby shower mood.  I had a little hissy fit pre-shower and I did not want to get out of the dang car.  Eventually,  Doug pulled me out of the car and the shower was fine.  Hanging out with my friends was great.  Baby talk dominated the conversation, so I smiled during all the baby and breast feeding talk.  I smiled while they all talked about their birth and pregnancy stories.  I oohed and ahhhed while all the gifts were opened (they were pretty dang cute).  Thank goodness it was a couples shower and Doug was there.  I do not think I would have made it through the night without him (and without texting Sew!).

After the party, I was just numb.  I was happy for the couple, yet crumbling inside.  But like always, I bounced back and kept going.

Then today, there was a big pregnancy announcement.  I knew it was coming.  I actually thought it would have come a few months ago.  She is the sweetest person ever and she and her DH and their toddler deserve all the happiness in the world.  Yet, I was devastated.  I started crying at my desk at work and could not stop.

Luckily, I have a IRL IF friend at work.  We are the only two who officially 'know' about each others non-functioning reproductive system at the workplace.  And at that workplace, we need each other.  I swear there is a baby boom at that office and we are both in the middle of it.  It is all our friends doing the booming.  She saw me in the bathroom cleaning my smeared mascara and she instantly knew why I was crying.  She patted my back and eased the pain.

I hate how good news makes me break down.  I feel horrible about it.  It is such a hard feeling to digest - feeling genuinely happy for someone, yet heartbroken at the same time.  Ugh.  Ugh.  Ugh.  How do I reconcile that?  I honestly do not know.

So for now, my goal will be to wake up tomorrow, go to work and not cry at my desk.  Hopefully I will be bounce back quickly.  But for right now, I think the night will consist of some big fat ugly tears, some snuggling with my puppy, some praying, some more tears, more snuggling with my pup... and some Big Brother TV watching.  I'm thinking that will make these Big Fat Ugly Tears go away, at least for today.

I need to remember...

On the bad days and even the good days, I need to remember:

It is true and I often forget this simple fact.  

Side note:  This especially applies today, as I'm still pretty distraught that Jeff, one of my all-time favorite players, got evicted from the Big Brother house.  So sad.  I must keep the faith.  Because ... It will be ok.  It will be ok.  It will be ok.  :)

I've gone off the deep end.

Someone must stop me.  I'd like to blame this behavior on IF, but I'm pretty sure I'd be doing this if IF wasn't an issue at all!  Ha!  

Daisy turned the big six months on Monday.  We had a 'tiny' celebration for her... a trip to the Dog Bakery, a personalized treat and party hats!  You can't do much around this house without party hats!  I'm not sure what we will do when she turns one, but watch for formal party invitations in the mail.  And yes, I know... I'm losing it!!

Here's a little bit of Daisy's big day! First up was a trip to the party store.  I had NO IDEA they would have so much for puppy parties!  Man, I could have gone crazy.  Y'all would be so proud of me... I only bought party hats! 

They had a puppy sound track!  Hahahahaha!

Next stop... the Dog Bakery.  Daisy LOVES this place.  What pooch wouldn't?!  An entire store dedicated to good, all natural, wholesome, homemade puppy treats and products.  I must say, I love going there too.  We purchased a pretty sweet celebration bone for her.  Don't worry, that's not chocolate.  It's carob - totally safe for any dog!  She will be working on this bone for a long time!

Then, it was back home for the celebration!  I personally think she looks pretty darn cute in her little hat!  She will do anything for a treat.  

"Ummm... why do I have to wear this silly hat to get a treat!??"

Being a good sport and posing for picture after picture after picture.

"Can I pleeeeeease have my treat now???"

YUMMO!

Happy girl!

Overall, a great day.  I know, a little (OK, a lot) overboard, but it was super fun!  I think the pup would agree.