Defrosted

We are one week shy of our first anniversary.  That means... eating that frozen wedding cake or, in our case, cupcakes!  However, as with many things Jenny and Doug, this tradition did not go exactly as planned!

PLAN A: Have a wedding 'cupcake cake' with three large cupcakes as the cake topper.  Eat one at the wedding.  Freeze the remaining two large cupcakes to have on our first anniversary. Perfect plan!
RESULT: Random wedding guests ate the remaining two large cupcakes! I never figured out who it was, but I bet they enjoyed them!  We then moved onto Plan B.

PLAN B: Freeze a few of the remaining small cupcakes and the decorated large groom cupcakes, decorated with Ohio State, Iowa and Purdue emblems.  Eat these cuppies on first anniversary.
RESULT: Cupcakes make it home from the wedding safely.  My mom and I take great care when wrapping cupcakes.  They have a special spot in the outdoor deep freezer all year.  They are safe and sound.  UNTIL, two weeks prior to the first anniversary, I unplug the outdoor deep freezer to plug in a small shop vac to clean a very messy car. I totally forgot to plug the deep freezer in all my clean car glory.  DH discovers the unplugged freezer several days later.  Oops.  Everything was melted in the freezer, including the cupcakes.  Darn.

So, as with many things Jenny and Doug, we made the best of it.  Then moved onto Plan C.

PLAN C: Throw gross cupcakes in the trash and place order for some delicious fresh anniversary cupcakes!

RESULT: TBD, but I'm thinking this plan will finally work!

Details!

Sarah is getting married in less than TWO WEEKS!!!!  I am so excited for her I can hardly stand it!  It was this exact time last year that I was all a hustle over the small details.  She asked about some details in this post... and I've had a details post written as a draft since the wedding.  I just never posted it.  I've changed it around a bit to answer the wonderful bride's questions.  Here it goes...

1. What was your first dance song?
We danced to the old Kenny Rogers song, "You decorated my life."  Doug sang the whole song to me as we danced.  I don't know if I'd ever heard the song before we picked it.  We were frantically looking for a mother/son song and this was on a list of suggestions.  We were sitting together, the song started to play and Doug teared up.  He said, "That should be our song.  It is exactly what you've done to my life."  How could we not dance to it after that??  It was perfect.

1. What was your father/daughter (or mother/son) song?
First, Doug and his mom danced to Stevie Wonder's, "I just called to say hello."  Doug's mom picked it, which was great because we had NO IDEA what to pick.  I was very anti-"Wind beneath my wings" and such.  I can't help it!  It always reminds me of the movie Beaches!

My dad and I danced to "It's Your Song" by Garth Brooks.  I had made a CD of possibilities that always made me break down and start crying in an instant.  I kept going back to this one and he loved it too.  It really fits his personality and he loved it.  We went to a Garth concert together too, so it made it extra special.  Dancing with my dad was something I had looked forward to for so long and it was one of my favorite moments of the entire day.

I had really considered "Daddy" by Kendall Payne.  It is how I felt about meeting Doug and having my dad give me away that day.  Talk about a tear jerker!  I had emailed my dad the lyrics and my mom said he was crying in front of the computer.  But in the end, the Garth song fit my dad better and I'm glad my dad and I picked it.  I was also able to hold it together a bit more with that one, for we were both crying fools!  Ha!  I love the lyrics so much... here are just a few of them: 

How long have I been dreaming? Who forgot to wake, to wake me up?

I know it sounds crazy but daddy now I think that I’m in love 

'Cause when he steps in the room, my heart begins to pound.

You said, “Never settle,” you promised there was one out there for me.

It’s true. I might have doubted, but he’s standing here and now.  Now I believe.

Yes, I know you’ll be proud of the man that chose me.

I will always love you and I will always be your little girl.

None could come between us, you’ll forever be the first man in my world.

But when he smiles I can see how much he reminds me of you.

A man of faith, a man of strength, who loves me like you do.

It’s elementary to the wise, for the fool in full disguise

Beggars bow and poets kneel, and as for me… it’s finally real!

How long have I been sleeping? Who forgot to wake, to wake me up?

Daddy, he’s amazing, he’s everything that I’ve been dreaming of

And now he has become my very best friend…

It's worth all the time I've spent in tears. 

Worth the heartache, worth the fears. 

To stand beside him on this day after you give me away.

3. Did you exchanged gifts with each other?

No, we did not.  However, we did exchange letters.  I also sent some snacks along with my letter.  I love the letters and I know we will cherish them always.  I had always thought I'd send my groom some socks... for the cold feet and all.  But I knew Doug never ever had or has cold feet!

4. How did we do the head table?

We did a sweetheart table.  Every member of the wedding party had a spouse, kids, friends or parents that were also attending.  I really wanted everyone to sit with who they came with and their other friends.  We had the wedding party at tables up front, but they sat with other guests.  Our table was off to the side, not front and center, so it didn't feel like everyone was staring at us.  But it does not matter where you sit, people will be staring at you, taking your picture and hitting their glasses so you'll kiss!  They moved the table right after we were done eating.  

5. Did you do the bouquet/garter toss? Anniversary Dance? 

We did the bouquet, not the garter.  We had not planned to do either one, but I had three tiny little flower girls change my mind.  They really wanted to try to catch the bouquet.  After they asked, I couldn't say no!  The song "Party in the USA" played during the toss... another flower girl request!  One of them almost caught it too... but at the last moment, one of my single friends reached in and grabbed it from her!  That friend is now married, so I guess it all worked out! 

We also did an "Anniversary Dance."  It got everyone out on the dance floor.  We didn't even bother going to the dance floor... used it as a much needed restroom break instead!  Ha!  This is my parents favorite part of every wedding, so it was a must for us.  My aunt and uncle were actually the winners - married over 50 years.  

6. Did you have a bridal portrait displayed at your reception?  

Nope - I didn't have any taken before the wedding.  We did not have any engagement pictures around either, but we did have our engagement video (see side bar for video) playing on a small tv during cocktail hour.  

Side note:  The bridal portrait session was included in our photography package, but we traded it in for a session at a future date.  We are planning on using it next year to get some great pictures of our parents and some of us as well.  My parents never get their picture taken and we thought that would be a great use for the photo session!  I'm really looking forward to it!  

7. What was your favorite detail about your wedding?  

This is such a hard one!  There were so many little things I loved about our wedding.  I really loved everything about the Nuptial Mass!  Big detail, but it was filled with little details I loved.  I LOVED how the procession was the Litany of Saints, with saints that we had selected.  I loved the sign of peace.  My dad and I do a special handshake and I'm so glad we could do it on that day.  The sign of peace was  banned in our diocese at that time due to the swine flu, but Fr. Richard said we could do it!  Funny story: During the sign of peace, Fr. Richard looks at Fr. Dan and as they are exchanging the sign of peace, says, "She wanted it.  She begged me.  I'm a pushover!"  I don't think he thought that would end up on our video!  I love it!!  For the record, I sent him one email... there was no begging!  Hahaha!

Non-nuptial mass details were there on the wedding day as well.  Here are some of my favorites.  

The invitation, which could also be my something borrowed.  I 'borrowed' the wording from Beth.  The first time I saw her invitation, I knew I wanted that wording! 

The rings and my necklace.

My other something borrowed and something blue. 

My mom's garter from her wedding day and my grandmother's hanky.

My Mrs. Hanger and veil.

Some jewels on my dress.

My shoes.

My mom made this patch and put it in my dress.  

It has our names and wedding date on it.

My bouquet with my favorite rosary, one my dad gave me.  

It has a Knights of Columbus emblem on it. 

Bridesmaid flowers.

Guest book images.  

I made it online with photos from our engagement pictures.

Programs.

Place card/picture frame favors.

My favorite appetizers - shots of tomato soup and mini-grilled cheese sandwiches. 

Our reception activity.

And... last, but not least... our Thank You card.

What is it about Beth??

Has anyone else noticed how bloggers flock to Beth??  Like here and here and here and here... and there are more... I just can't list them all!  Seriously, I love Beth and all... but she's like a magnetic blogger force.  People drive and fly to come see her and her crew.  I don't blame them... I sure like hanging out at her home too!  This week Brenda is back in town!  Yep, people like Beth so much they come back to see her!!  It's a great thing that bloggers come see her... because then I get to meet them too!  Here are some pics from last night!  We had a great time!

Excuse the quality... everything is looking yellow or green in my photos lately!  Oops!

Best buds.

All the ladies.

How cute are they??!!

Clarity and a little prayer request

Tonight my DH and I went to a fundraiser for some friends of ours, who happens to be our former realtor Ron and his wife.  She is fighting breast cancer that has metastasized to several parts of her body.  They are young -- their only daughter started college this year.  There were a ton of people there and it was so touching.  Ron was very surprised to see us and was so grateful we had taken the time to stop by.  He, of course, asked us how the house was.  We gave our standard answer of 'new floors, frozen pipes, lightening strike', etc. He laughed and I felt horrible.  I know we were just making small talk, but his wife is fighting for her life and we just had to get our floors replaced and unfreeze some pipes!  We gave him another hug, bought some raffle tickets and went on our way.

What a moment of clarity.  I don't know what I'd do if I was faced with such a tragedy.  If I had to fight so hard to simply make it to the next month.  It really makes all our mishaps seem pretty trivial.  Granted, they do matter, all the mishaps were just that, but they do sting.  We've been through a lot this year -- a lot good and some not so great as well.  But at the end of the day, I've got my DH.  I am so grateful!!  I was suppose to work tonight -- I called a coworker and said I needed to be at home and asked her to cover my shift at the homeless shelter.  I could not even think of being anywhere else than right here with DH.   I think I'll hug him extra tight tonight.  I might even pet his cat, just to show him how much I do love him!  Please keep our friends in your prayers as they go through this battle.

And... if you can think of it... while even this seems a little petty... there will be some announcements made at work (my 'real' 10 year day job!) over the next week and I AM A BALL OF NERVES.  I am jumpy and stressed out! Literally, when someone was walking by my desk today, I jumped!! If you could same some prayers for some peace within me... I need some calmness to make it through the day without going a little crazy.  Any prayers would be so greatly appreciated!

Thanks ladies!  Have a great Friday!

Pain

Pain.  That is something that I've been experiencing lately.  I'm not a fan.  I think I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but I feel as if my physical pain and my emotional pain are tied so closely together that I cannot tell where one starts and the other one begins.  They both have made me a bit of an emotional mess as of late.  I need to sort them out, so I can start of move on.

Physical Pain.

I spent the majority of the past week curled up in a ball in bed.  I thought it was a combination of cramps, some cysts and dare I say a few bowel issues.  I expected it all to go away when I was a little further along in my cycle.  Nope.  It did not change.  All week.  The pain was intense and always there -- looming in my lower right side.  It did not matter how I sat, how I stood, how I curled up in bed... it was there.  It felt similar to when I had gallstones - dull pain followed by lots of shooting, stabbing excruciating pain.  Ouch, in an understatement.

I assumed it was a cyst.  I've had this same pain before -- always in the exact same spot, right around the beginning of my cycle and possibly around ovulation.  I've obviously had cysts in the past and they have always been confirmed via ultrasound each time this pain would come around.  The pain had become unbearable.  So, I went in for an ultrasound at Dr. G's office.  I fully expecting to see one hellofa cyst on the screen.  Even the ultrasound gal was surprised when everything was all clear!  I thought there had to be a mistake... and so did she.  So we took a second look and not a thing.  This is actually a good thing!  However, it doesn't explain the pain.  The nurse and Dr. G think there is a possibility that there could be some endo in there ... so does Dr. Sew.  I'm not sure and we won't be until I get a lap... so we will watch and see what happens with said pain.  We will keep a lap in mind for a later time.

Since there was no cyst and the pain kept increasing, I went to my PCP and then headed to a fun filled night at the hospital to confirm it wasn't something non-ovarian related.  Appendix? Kidney stone? Bowel obstruction?  After lots of waiting and tests, they all came back negative.  Nice.  While that is great news, it left me with no explanation of what this could be.  My PCP's recommendation: "Relax this weekend, lay on the couch and watch the Colts win."  Ha.  I do love the guy.  It drives him crazy when he cannot find the problem, so he said he'd be working on this some more this week.

So, in the meantime, I blame any crazy comments or middle of the night emails that make little to no sense on the pain pills.  :)

Emotional Pain.


This has been tugging at my heart the last few months as well.  This is why I have been so quiet on this blog and quiet from commenting and even emailing at times.  The past months have been difficult, to put it mildly.  I'm not a crier and I've cried more these two months then I ever remember.  Pretty much anything will make me have a break-down.  DH and I can be having a great day and boom... crying.  We can be having a bad day and boom... crying.  I can be watching TV and boom... crying.  It's crazy!  Big-fat ugly tears!  And lots of them.

A lot of it has to do with a variety of situations that I have no control over in my career.  I've been questioning what I am truly meant to do in life and that is a hard subject to tackle.  If I cannot be a mom... then what should I be?  What would give my life real meaning?  Should I go back to school?  What do I really want to study? What are my talents and how could I use those gifts at a job that really matters and I would love going to each day?  I like solutions and finding answers to these questions are not easy.  It feels like there are constant roadblocks at every single corner.  When this happens I get anxious and my mind starts spiraling out of control and it all come back to the first question:

If I cannot be a mom... then what should I (or really) what can I be??  

It's like a circle of fear, anxiety, pain, then some more fear, anxiety, pain.  I know it's early in our journey to be thinking like this.  We have not even given ttc a real go.  We are waiting to start actively trying with meds and such until next year.  There is a lot hope on the horizon for 2011.  I honestly do believe that when some other health problems get worked out, we will conceive.  I really do and I am SO excited about what the next year will bring.  It's just a long process to get there.  Even along with all the hope I/we have for the next year, it comes with it's own set of anxiety and fear.  I try to tackle that and then the "mom" question always comes back.  It is always looming and it's just hard to even think about.  I try to cover it up with random humor and act like everything going on doesn't bother me... but as we all know, it does.

I know that this is not new.  I'm not the first or last to experience both types of pain.  My pain might seem small or simple to some, it's still pain to me and it cuts deep.

Throughout it all, I am trying to stay positive.  I am praying more.  We are praying more as a couple, which I LOVE.  I try to be upbeat, especially around DH.  He knows me better than I know myself and he can always sense where I'm at -- even if I'm all smiles, but hurting on the inside.  He just knows.  He has been the most wonderful supportive guy through all of this.  He held me while I cried over and over.   He was at a loss of what else to do... he had NEVER seen my eyes so red from all the tears, tears that would not stop.  He has been there to remind me that no matter what I am feeling, no matter if I'm sad or mad or a little crazy, that he loves me and he always will. Whenever I look at him, I feel so blessed ... so very very blessed... and some of the pain subsides.  When he holds me, the pain melts away.  When I hear him pray to God that all the pain will leave... it makes me feel like the luckiest girl... and it makes me cry... but in a good way.  I think that is a step in the right direction.

Blog Missing!

Gwen??? Where did your blog go?? :(