I have two old feelings that have come back recently. Both suck big donkey balls. Yep, they do.
1. Endo pain. That old family pelvic ache/horrific pain is back. The Gremlin is what I call it. Same spot. Same pain. Ugh. I've already made a call to my doctor. We are working on it. Sucks that it is back. Dang you endo!
I've also been bleeding for three weeks. Not real 'period' bleeding... just bleeding here and there, continuously for three weeks. Enough to use a panty liner... not enough for it to really act like a 'real' period.
WTH body.
Oh, and I have a tilted uterus now. I found that out at my last doctor appointment -- a follow up and a check up when I started to feel the Gremlin again. Ugh.
Seriously body.
2. It seems as if Labor Day was also Pregnancy Announcement day on FB. There were several in my news feed today. I thought that after I had a a baby, announcements wouldn't give me that 'punched in the stomach/ugh' feeling anymore. Wrong.
It still hurts/sucks. Maybe in a different way, but it still does. I was having a great ole day today and then bam... a mom from the tiny little day care posts on FB that she is pregnant. Her son is about 7 months. I felt that old feeling. Hated to admit it, but it was there. I even thought "You better say congrats... act happy!" Totally something I would have thought in my IF days.
It put me in a funk for a few hours. I mean... there are so many of my friends still waiting for a baby and boommmm... she is totally shocked at her wonderful fertility. Yup. Suckage. Yay for her and all.
We haven't been avoiding for months and nothing has happened. I'm ok with this -- we do have our hands full and all -- but it makes me worry again. Same feelings, even if they aren't totally justified, the second time around. I can't help how I feel... so there it is.
Well... Happy Labor Day. Ironically... while today might have been pregnancy day on FB... I didn't hear of anyone actually being in labor day. Hmmmm.
12 comments:
Stupid endo!
I'm not sure how something that causes such deep pain could ever go away completely, it makes perfect sense that pregnancy announcements and endo returning bring back the same feelings.
Praying for you!
(Oh, and my day was started with a texted picture of a baby born at 8:55 am - and of course a few comments about it being "Labor" Day. ugh!)
Sorry for those returned feelings! They do suck, I am experiencing the same kicked in the stomach feeling every time I read a new pg announcement. The same feelings return when others get pg so easily and you know others just waiting for a miracle. I find that the feeling is strong when others go overboard about making their child a big brother or sister, the longing to do the same is suffocating at times :(
I went through a spell with the long bleeding, just now getting relief from pio shots but they tend to make me a beast in spirit sometimes, yikes!!
Hope tomorrow and the weeks ahead are better!
I still struggle too...
I get mad when people get pregnant or have the labor they wanted. Then I get mad that I get upset. Sigh
I understand:( See my blog post. Grrr.
Your feelings make perfect sense to me. Having a baby is a wonderful thing after so many years of waiting and trying, but having a baby doesn't erase those years of waiting and trying, nor does it take away the anxiety of having to wait again. Some folks don't carry that cross (although surely, they carry another one), and when the two worlds cross over, sometimes it's just painful. Praying for you... I am glad your doctor is on top of the endo pain!
Oh no!! Go away Endorse!! That sucks!!!!'
Yuck! I'm sorry Jenny.
Boo, hiss. Endo. Leave Jenny alone!!!!
I hear you... it's still shocking. Just got an email a few weeks ago from a friend in a group email - "we're expecting".... I love her dearly, but I would have preferred not to find out in a group email. Like FB. Sigh...
Hugs, friend.
Even just "not avoiding" puts all the thoughts in your head, doesn't it! We had that one month where we cheated once and I was surprised how disappointed I was when AF came. To say I'm scared to TTC again is a massive understatement.
I'm pregnant and I still feel like I was punched in the gut when someone talks about how easily they conceived. I don't think it ever goes away. Some wounds never heal completely. :(
Sorry you have to go through endo pain again!
It totally sucks that the Gremlin may be/is back. Grrrrr.
I have the exact same thoughts/stomach pain/heartache at pg announcements. As a gal who has suffered IF, I'm starting to think that will never go away. :(
I am so sorry to hear this! Big hugs to you! It sounds like I need to get out my 54 day rosary novena book again and make a 54 day rosary novena for you and Hubby to be blessed with another child. I do not know why, I do not understand it, but in the past when I've prayed this novenas for myself to be able to have a child, it never happened. However several times when I've prayed the 54 day rosary novena for friends (some who I've never met) to be blessed with a child, for some reason God heard these prayers and several of my friends were blessed with babies. Please do NOT let endo and doctors get you down. Remember, God CAN do anything. Trust in God! I will be busy praying for you!
Much love and hugs!
Maria In Mass
Post a Comment