Puppies and Infertility

As you all know, I am counting down the days until we bring Daisy, our little ball of cuteness home.  We just have three weeks until we have a bouncy cuddly puppy in our house.  I cannot really describe how excited I am to have this addition to our family.  Seriously, I'm bouncing up and down and I don't do a lot of bouncing in my life.  But why? Why am I so excited?  Why do I feel that I NEED this puppy?  Why do I feel that if we weren't getting this puppy and I didn't have this to look forward to, I would be an infertile emotional wreck?

I've always loved dogs.  I had two of them growing up and I loved them to pieces.  We got our first when I was in pre-school, so I don't even remember life without a four-legged friend.  When I was in 7th grade, from one state to another due to my dad's job and my mom and I were terribly homesick.  It was a very tumultuous time for my family - there was a lot going on.  One night, my brother and I, without my parents knowledge, went and got a puppy from a local farm to add to our pack.  I don't know how he convinced me to do this without telling my mom and dad, but he did.  I took one look at the pup that would be our beloved Dee Dee and my rule-following self, flew out the window!  We took her home, put a big red bow on her and 'gave' her to our dad for his birthday. What were we thinking??!! As mad as my parents were that we just went and got a puppy, they quickly fell in love with Dee Dee.  When I was homesick, Dee Dee was there to bring some much needed joy to my life.  When my mom was home alone while my brother and I were at school and my dad was at work, it was Dee Dee (and our older dog B.J., too) who comforted my mom from her deep feelings of homesickness too.  Dee Dee was our little Indiana 'savior' if you will.  He was the one thing that made moving in the middle of 7th grade (bad, bad time to move) bearable.  Dee Dee provided much needed healing for my family at that time.  I now associate that healing and joyous feeling with having a dog.

That brings us to our to-be pup, Daisy.  While Doug and I had talked about getting a dog for some time now, we really hadn't planned to get a dog for a few more years.  In our perfect pre-marriage world, we thought we'd have some kids, get a dog and live happily ever after.  Then infertility struck.  I think I do semi-ok with it most days, some are obviously better than some.  The past several months have been hard.  Real hard.  It is constantly there.  There are constant reminders that we cannot conceive.  It feels like a huge weight that is constantly sitting on my heart.  On the good days, it just feels heavy.  On the bad days, it feels like a mountain that I cannot move.

I am well aware that Daisy is not a baby.  She's a dog.  A pretty stinkin' cute dog, but a dog, nonetheless. She will not fill the void I feel because we do not have children.  But I would be lying to myself and everyone else, if I did not recognize that we are upping our timeline for a dog because of our current state of infertility.  It's so obvious.  I know it and am well aware of it.  But honestly, I don't care.  Daisy has already brought us so much joy, I don't care what the psychological reasons are behind bringing her into our lives.  She has relieved some of the constant IF weight on my chest.  She has given me something joyous to look forward to.  She has given me much needed focus on what is good in my life -- what blessings I/we do have.  She doesn't make me forget that we don't have a baby to love.  But with her, I get to use my mothering side and that, somehow, gives me a little hope for the future.  If our puppy parenthood skills are any indication of how we will be at parents... then we will definitely rock.  We've already gotten Daisy enrolled in puppy school and have her first several vet appointments set up.  With each little puppy toy we buy, I feel elated.  We are getting her 'room' set up, buying baby gates (ha!) and are setting up puppy play dates.  With her in our lives, it seems as if some of the sadness that has encapsulated our home lately, is slowing pealing away.  Daisy makes me unbelievably happy.  Right now, I will gladly take that!!

We have a play date with Daisy next weekend.  Get ready for picture overload! In the meantime... here she is.  She is getting so big!!!  I'm so in love!

Daisy at one month old!