I'm home sick today. I hate taking sick days from work... for actually being sick. I have a sinus infection and I suspect an ear infection too. I felt so so all weekend, but yesterday was not good. My head just started hurting all over. Dang sinuses! Luckily, I was able to take some pain medicine and get some much needed sleep last night. I woke up and was debating going to work or not when I, or rather Doug, discovered that I have no voice at all. This really could be his dream come true! Ha ha! So, since I can't talk or breathe or swallow, I'm staying home with the pup today.
So today, I'm just feeling sad. I really shouldn't be. I am so blessed and I had a great weekend filled with so much joy! I was able to see Deacon Dominic give his first homily. He did an outstanding job and he just radiates God's love! I was able to snuggle my godson during mass, which I LOVED. Note: I did not feel or think I was sick then! Doug and I were able to play with Daisy at the dog park and out in our newly fenced in yard. It was so fun watching her run and play with the other dogs! Deacon Dominic came over for a visit yesterday and it's always fun to have some company and show off our puppy! Overall, a great great weekend! I even wore a dress -- something I NEVER do. The only other time I've worn a dress since I've met Doug - our wedding! Ha! See, great weekend!!
So, why, after such a wonderful weekend am I feeling so blue?
I want to be a mommy. That's why. I know that is what it is. There is a pain in my chest and it will not go away. I cannot stop the tears from falling. It happens every now and then and I just need to work through it. I need to cry. I need to feel sad and lonely and empty. I need to acknowledge the hole in my heart.
Then, I need to pack it up and be strong again. I need to fake smile when someone talks about their baby and their pregnancy. I need to act surprised and thrilled at the next pregnancy announcement. I need to act like I'm not dying inside. Maybe all that acting will actually make me believe I am not sad.
But for today, I'm not going to be strong. I don't have the energy. I'm just going to be sad.
16 comments:
I have felt the same from time to time. There are days when I feel sad & broken but then I remind myself that God is in control and that he has a perfect plan for us. Praying that ur pain goes away quickly and u will be strengthened for a new day.
I dread those aweful sinus headaches. Have u tried Neilmed Nasal Rinse? It has helped me in some way.
:( I am so sorry. :(
It's OK to be sad every once in a while. I was having a conversation last night and didn't cry at all and thought 'what is wrong with me?', but as I lay in bed before falling asleep just a few hours later, the sadness seemed to overwhelm me.
Prayers for peace for you today.
You seem to write exactly how I feel at times...somedays you tell yourself you must be strong and hold it together but then others, you have to let yourself just be sad! Imagine never allowing the pain and sadness of IF to come out, a mental break down would most definitely occur.
Praying for you and hoping you start to feel better both physically and emotionally!!
It makes me sad that you're sad, but it's so normal. I know, you don't want to be normal then! You're an amazing person Jenny and you are inspiring so many with your current weight loss. I have no doubt that God has big plans for your life. He's already accomplishing so much through you. Praying for you during these low times.
:( Sad for you. Glad you're not fighting it today but letting yourself be. Rest in His arms and He'll sustain you.
I know how you feel...I have that same ache.
Right there with you buddy! I just got home from my bf's house and regardless of how much attention I lavish on her kids (and they return it a thousandfold!) I still feel so empty when I walk home with empty arms (although my godson really wanted to come with me!).
I continue to pray for you. I hate it that the wait is so long for some of us!
You have to let yourself be sad! It's important, I hope you get your wish soon.
I'm sorry.
The sad days are so hard, aren't they? Praying that God will fill the hole in your heart. :)
Hugs. I am sorry.
Love you.
I hear your hurt and validate your feelings.
We all have these depressing days. There's nothing I can say except I'm sorry ... we shouldn't have to go through any of this (in a perfect world). Prayers for you! I hope you can smile again soon!!!
I'm sorry it took me so long to comment, Jenny! Blogger was giving me issues.
I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a big hug.
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