Surgery Tomorrow and Nesting.

I think I finally know what nesting is all about.  I am far from giving birth, but I have been nesting big time.  I have cleaned closets, organized sock drawers, scrubbed floors, dusted like I've never dusted before and so on.  It's gone to a whole different level of clean in this house and I still don't think it is clean enough!  See... isn't that nesting??  I think so!

I've been nesting for a very important reason.  Tomorrow I will be having surgery.  I have been trying to get the house in tip top shop because I know that I will be out of commission for a few weeks.  I think my nesting has paid off... the house looks great!

As most of you know, I've had a life-long struggle with my weight.  I've lost 100 pounds, gained 100 pounds, lost some, gained some, etc. since I was in grade school.  It has been an ongoing battle for years.  I can remember being in 3rd grade and being made fun of for my weight.  I had this very cute shirt with the words 'Teddy Bear' Diner on it.  It had some teddy bears as well and I loved that shirt.  Two boys in my class teased me about it at recess.  They said that I loved being fat (which I really wasn't) so much that I wore a teddy bear diner on my shirt.  I was crushed and I never wore the shirt again.

I became the class leader and the funny gal to gain friends and I did.  My weight didn't hold me back from doing anything, but it will still always a struggle.  I don't remember a time it wasn't an issue.  I've done every diet, every medicine, every program, etc.  Some have been very successful for a good amount of time.  About 7 years ago I lost a lot of weight and was no longer even classified as over weight.  I ran several mini-marathons, was incredibly active and was even going back to school to be a registered dietitian.  I then broke my back in a car accident and the weight began to pile back on.  I couldn't exercise like I had been and I was devastated with every pound that was added back to my body.   It is not the car accident that caused it... I know it was me.  It wasn't the steroids I was on forever, it was me.  But that car accident and the years following were a turning point.

After the wedding last fall, the weight started piling on -- even when I wasn't eating anything that wasn't generally healthy and I was following a strict weight loss program.  It did not make sense that my weight was increasing and so rapidly at that.  It was then that is when I landed in Dr. Gentry's (my RE) office and found out my wacky thyroid levels.  Again, that's not the cause of my weight problems, but it was not helping matters.  He said my body was working against itself.  It was holding onto every single thing I was consuming and not burning much at all.  The tests they ran confirmed this and we've been working on getting everything back in order since that time.  Little has changed and my weight has hardly budged.

I started working not only with Dr. G, but with a team of bariatric doctors.  They all got together with Dr. G and decided that weight loss surgery (WLS) would be a great tool for me.  It's not a fix, but a tool that I hope will get me in the right direction.  I've been working with a local bariatric center for about 9 months -- meeting with them and Dr. G four times a month, blood work all the time, dietitian meetings with my skinny dietitian, nutrition and surgery classes, support groups, etc.  You name it, I've been there.  We decided that if the TTCing didn't work after a year, then we would head another direction for a bit.  We are there.

Tomorrow is my weight loss surgery.  I'm having the Roux-en-Y gastric bypass (RNY).  It's scheduled for 2:30 pm, but I could go as early as 1pm.  I'll be in the hospital until Saturday or Sunday.  I have a great surgeon and I am ready.  I'm nervous, excited, scared and thrilled all at once.  I think my DH is the same, but he hates surgery of any kind and is very nervous.  I only get nervous when I start watching discovery he.alth channel or Gra.ys Anat.omy!  Ack!

I really do think this will be a positive change for my health.  I've consulted with my ObGyn and she is fully supportive and thrilled, as is my PCP.  Dr. G literally was jumping up and down when I told him my insurance approved the surgery and I finally had a surgery date - he's a funny man.  My surgeon even said that while this might not 'fix' our fertility problems, it can only help it.  After all... on the sheet of possible complications we were given... "INCREASED FERTILITY" was on it!  Isn't that funny??!!  I had labs that pointed to little ovulation back when I was a normal weight... but still.  The weight is hurting everything.

I once that that surgery was the easy way out to lose weight.  I think I felt like that because I had done it "on my own" before.  I no longer think of this as an easy way out. I had a friend have surgery a few years ago and I got that out of my mind when he was preparing for his surgery.  It's not easy.  It's painful and messy and will affect every aspect of my life.  But it will be worth it.  There is no guarantee that this will work, but I'm willing to give it a try.

I'm so excited to not be confined in this body anymore!  I want to be the person that I use to be.  I have clothes -- cute clothes -- in bins in the attic.  I also have so many coats that are in smaller sizes.  I really have every size clothing from a 12 up - that's tiny for me.  All in bins.  All ready to be worn again.  I never got rid of my skinny clothes, because I wanted to get back there.  I want to the clothes again.  I want to be active and healthy again!  I want to send out a Christmas card NEXT YEAR that will wow people.  I want to recognize the reflection in the mirror - because right now I do not.

I am really lucky to be involved with such a good program for the surgery.  I will have support groups, classes, bariatric (I hate that word) cooking classes, free exercise classes, my own skinny dietitian (who I really do adore), etc.  The hospital has a special bariatric unit and I have heard nothing but rave reviews from past patients.  I have a friend who did a nursing rotation with my surgeon and on the bariatric floor and she said the same thing.  There is a reason the place is the most experienced center in my state.

My surgeon will also be looking around for the cause of my pelvic pain if she has time.  This is a big if and it might not happen.  There was talk at one time for Dr. G and my surgeon to be in the room together in case there was endo.  However, since this is such a specialized surgery, they decided against it.  I was very worried about this at one point while meeting with Dr. G.  I had question after question about fertility treatments after weight loss surgery.  I mean, what pre-op patient would worry about future Clomid absorption, adhesion's, endo and such!?  Ha!  Anyway... One thing at a time I guess. While I was panicking to Dr. G about all this, and he took my hand and said, Let's get you through this first step first. This weight loss surgery is your first unofficial fertility treatment.  After that, we will worry about clomid, adhesion's, endo and such, if we need to."  So... that is what I am trying to think about.  One thing at a time.

I would appreciate your prayers and support... no horror stories on WLS's please.  I googled that once - not a good idea!  Ann told me I was not allowed to ever do that again!  Ever!  I'm being positive about this and am confident that this will change our lives for the better.  I will be blogging about my journey and I am excited to see how it unfolds!

Thank you for all the prayers!!!  They are so very appreciated!