I hate that this is my first post-baby post... but it is. I am in need of your prayers ladies.
George and I are having some major nursing issues. It's breaking my little heart that the little man is having so much trouble eating.
Turns out my nipples are funky - so we are using a nipple shield. I had no clue - they looked normal to me! His tongue is also an issue. So together with my funky nipples (aren't you glad you know my nipples are funky!?) and his tongue, there are a lot of latch issues. A LOT!
I'm also having a lot of supply issues. I knew there was a risk of this... with my history of PCOS and thyroid problems. So I prepared a head of time. Talked to LC, my doctors, my expert nursing friends, etc. I was hopeful that this wouldn't be an issue... but it appears it is.
I'm doing as much as possible to boost my supply. I'm pumping. I'm taking supplements and prescription meds. I'm eating oatmeal. You name it, I'm doing it. It's not helping all that much.
The lactation consultants have been really wonderful. I think I have the lactation department on speed dial. I've been to support groups this week and had an outpatient appointment so they could watch George eat. He did fine there. Notsomuch at home.
Now we have the added bonus of blisters and bleeding nipples.
Yowzers.
I have been fighting myself the last few days. Fighting the feeling that I'm already failing as a mother because I *may* not be able to nurse my child long term because of my stupid fertility issues. The failure word just kept looming over me. Pair that with the stress of nursing with all these issues, no sleep and my whacked out hormones... wow. Not fun.
This morning I was texting Sew and I realized something else. So much of me wanting to nurse is about ME. I mean, the main reason I want to nurse is because it is best for George. But then there are all these other reasons that really have NOTHING to do with George -- but everything to do with me.
I want to be a BFing mom.
I want to be part of the BF club, so to speak. At work, all the mom's that nurse gather, talk about it, support each other -- even have access to their own 'lactation support' room. I have so wanted to be part of the mom club for so long... and especially have a key to that room. Sounds silly when I say it, but it's true. I don't want people to judge if I have to give my baby formula or another supplement. I'm afraid they will.
I want the convenience of BFing. We will have a hard time with the cost of a supplement.
I don't want to feel like a failure.
Ugh.
See... so much is about ME?? I need prayers to let my pride shrink. I need to die to myself here and just do whatever is best for my baby -- which ultimately is just feeding him.
So, please pray along with me. There are so many emotions happening here lately. I feel like a crazy mom!
One that that did make me feel better - this amazing LC at the hospital. She was emailing me last night as I was trying to nurse and crying at the same time.
She had this to say:
God rejoices that you want the best for your baby.
God wants the best for you and that includes rest and peace. ENJOY GEORGE and rest in God's love tonight,
knowing He has you and your family in the palm of his hand.
It makes me cry and feel that everything will be ok every time I read it. What an amazing woman. Thank you for the prayers ladies.
29 comments:
I am sorry that you are struggling.
I had some of the same emotions with each of my children. Wanting to be able to breastfeed but because of my broken body, it was impossible. Feeling like I was failing my children because of it. Failing them nutritionally. Failing them with bonding time. Just plain failing. But with each child came a moment when I came to accept it and move on. No more regrets. I honestly can say that I am at peace with the fact that I will never belong to the breastfeeding mom's club. I am a MOM! That is what is important.
You are a MOM! Don't worry about the details. God is with you!!
Praying for you!!
Oh girl. I know it.
1. Is George tongue tied? If so, getting his frenulum clipped may help a lot. We got m's clipped, but waited too long and by then my meager supply had mostly dried up and I was checked out. Though it did prolong breastfeeding for about another 2 weeks or so. It is a quick procedure and M did not even cry; she woke up, moved around a little, and went back to sleep. NBD.
2. I never did supplements, mostly because by the time I found out about them, my milk was gone.
So I can't say much about them, but if others swear by them, then keep at it!
3. What we did was this: I would nurse M on each side for about 20-30 minutes (she ate slow because of the TT), then eric would give a supplemental bottle of a few ounces of formula mixed with breastmilk while I pumped. Pumping was nothing but an exercise in frustration for me: would pump for 20 minutes and be lucky if I got an ounce of milk. BUT, I had a dinky one breast at a time pump from Target. If you can, get one from the hospital that you can rent, they probably work much better. I did not use an at the breast supplemntal system because I also had PPD and for me, I needed the break which having someone else give the supplemental bottle gave me. But I know people who love them and swear by them.
I would have my hubby take his shirt off when he gave the supplemental bottle so she was skin to skin with him, and we never, ever propped a bottle of gave one in a bouncer or swing. She was always in someone's arms when it was eating time. We made it as loving and snuggly as we could, and she loved it.
4. It's ok to use formula as a supplement, or even totally. The relationship you have with your baby, and both of you feeling relaxed, in tune, and loving/loved during feeding is more important than the source of nutrition. You are doing the best you can do, and NO ONE has the right to demand more from you than you are capable of doing. As my pediatrician told me in her office when I was weeping when M was a two weeks old and not gaining enough, despite being nursed for an hour every three hours, 24 hours a day...She said, "Breast is best. But formula is not rat poison." It's not. My daughter had supplemental formula from day three of her life, and exclusive formula from week 8 of her life until she was 12 months old. She has had two colds and zero ear infections in the two years of her life. She is a happy, healthy girl who is not overweight. Formula will not make your child into a fat, sick, moron, and it does not mean you are a failure.
In other words, if you want to try formula as a supplement, this is permission to do so. Please do not let what others might think of you keep you from doing what might turn out to be best for your family.
Having a happy, healthy, sane and loving mother who supplements with formula is better for the mother/baby relationship and bonding than breastfeeding but being so stressed out, worried, anxious and sad that it makes it a traumatic event.
Don't let it become an occasion for fear, failure or so much worry that you can't even enjoy this baby that you have wanted for so long. Call if you have any other questions or need a shoulder to cry on; I had no one to talk to when I was struggling, so I would love to listen if you need to vent!
Praying :) no matter what happens, you both will be totally fine!! Speaking from experience over here :)
I had low supply issues as well in the beginning, but these supplements helped a lot.
http://www.amazon.com/Motherlove-More-Milk-Vegetarian-Capsules/dp/B000ITVRD2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1350934661&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Milk+Plus
They even have ones designed especially for women that have PCOS (I think those are the "more milk special blend")
Elizabeth used a nipple shield from 5 days old until my supply ran out at 6 1/2 months - every time! It didn't impact my supply at all. Also, I am sure you are already doing this, but drinking a ton of water helps and just trying not to be stressed can help tremendously. I know you probably want to reach through the screen and grab my throat and ask "how in the world do I not get stressed, my kid has to eat you know??"
But, (and you know I love you and wouldn't say this if I didn't care)...I am just trying to say like Sarah above - it is OKAY to give George formula to supplement and if you take off the table that you are stressed out about him getting enough to eat and instead focus on the bonding aspects of breastfeeding (always knowing that you can give him more via supplementing if you need too) - then maybe that would help with your supply issues. I am not sure if that makes sense, but I have known people that have stressed out so much about being able to breastfeed that it was hard for them to let down, so it actually was a viscious circle.
I will be praying for you and YOU ARE DOING AN AMAZING JOB JENNY!!! GEORGE IS SO AMAZINGLY LUCKY TO HAVE YOU AS HIS MOM!! You Rock!!!
Oh, this is so hard. This was a huge fear of mine as well because of PCOS. Were you on Metformin for your PCOS? If so, are you back on it now? I've heard it can help with supply issues.
I agree with JBTC...make sure you are drinking a ton of water. Oatmeal is good and herbal supplements...fengugreek, etc. Have you tried the mother's milk tea? Are you getting as much sleep as you can? More sleep = more milk.
BFing is so hard! The first 2 weeks are the hardest. Then it does get easier, but it's never easy, in my opinion. I had the hardest time with the latch for weeks....like several weeks. I even went for an evaluation with the lactation dept. at the hospital on a few different occasions.
Praying for you- wisdom, peace, and comfort.
Oh- one more thing. Are you familiar with www.kellymom.com? It is a fabulous resource with tons of BFing help. And don't feel bad about not blogging...just upload a picture here and there, but focus on resting and relaxing for a few more weeks!!
I'm right there with you. H had a tongue tie which made my supply come in low and then add my issues from IF and we're still struggling, I have to supplement with formula after every feeding between 3-4 oz. because he is that hungry.
Prayers for you and George at this gets remedied.
You got this Momma! You will do what you feel is best!
So glad he didn't wait to make you feel like a failure! I swear it's their job and you will become very familiar with the feeling! :) Is that bad? LOL haaaaa! :)
xxoo!!
I hope God guides you to find peace, no matter the decision! :) I had to switch to full-time formula after 9 days of unsuccessful nursing and lots of lactation consultations. Got lots of raised eyebrows and insensitive comments from others. But I STILL bonded with my baby and was sad to give up the bottle when she turned 13 months old. As my pediatrician said, the most important matter is that you give your baby nutrition and love.
I tried to be that support for you in the hospital, letting you know the "other side." I also wanted to BF sooooo badly, but it didn't work for me. I tried hard, I spoke to the LCs, etc, but nothing helped. I also realized it was about me and didn't want others to judge. All I know is I'm still a good mom, your friends won't judge you, and at the end of the day, I wasn't enjoying the kids like I should because I was so worried about doing the "right thing." Once I switched to formula, our lives were much happier. This decision seems huge now, but it doesn't define you as a mother. You are awesome! Much love and prayers to you!
Oh man-I hate hearing that you are dealing with this. Just screw what other people think! I know, I know-easier said than done. I would feel the exact same way as you. But I doubt much of your desire stems from pride-don't beat yourself up. George knows you love him. You know you love him. God knows you love him. That is ALL that matters!
I'm praying you can have peace with whatever comes your way.
Will be praying for your supply and latch issues. Wanted to add my support too, my first was a NICU baby and by the time I could put her to breast she wanted nothing to with 'drinking from the faucet' ~ and so I pumped for 7months, and often had a supplement.
She thrived and I knew human milk is just as nutritious drunk out of a bottle.
Hang in there!
You are NOT a failure if nursing does not work out for you and your sweet baby. And you want what is best for him. Nursing is good for mommy's too and helps in bonding but is not the only way to bond.
I was not able to nurse- no supply and a very severe tongue tie mixed up with my baby being in the NICU for 4 days & recovering from a csection was a bit too much to overcome. I have PCOS too. I never knew there could even be a problem with nursing. I know now- I just found out about a month ago and I finally feel a little better about it. My baby is one now. You are twenty steps ahead of where I was.
Has someone checked out his tongue? He could be tongue tied or have a very high pallete which can make it more difficult for him to take your nipple in his mouth & get the milk out. There are exercises you can do in his mouth to teach him to suck better. Have you used an SNS feeder to try and help him suck and help your supply?
I will pray very much for you. This is a totally devastating event which can wipe out your happiness at a time when you there should be joy!
Your baby is crazy nuts about his mommy and he loves you soooo much.
Good luck and I hope it works out in the end but if it doesn't please be assured of my prayers and support. You are doing all you can and you need to rest in that. It is a very hard cross to bear and sucks because it's all tied up with feeling damaged by infertility. Pray to his guardian angel. HUGS to the beautiful wonderful new mommy. And I haven't told you yet how adorable I think your little guy is. I was showing his pics to my husband the other day & my hubby agrees.
Jenny, you are a GREAT Mom! Praying for you sweet lady!
Sorry this has been so difficult. :( I'm praying that it all works out for you and your sweet little man.
Jenny-
This mothering thing starts off with a bang, doesn't it?
I had to use a shield too. Eventually my flat nipples were no longer flat due to the pumping, but nursing/pumping was never a super easy thing. I didn't have supply issues after the first couple of weeks, but I found that I HAD to eat a huge amount of calories and drink enormous amounts of fluid to keep up with my duo.
I have no advice. I wish I did, but it sounds like you are already talking to the experts. I really hope you are able to come to a workable solution soon...know that we are all pulling for you! Remember, guilt over nursing issues is man-made guilt-God is proud of you!
Praying for you!g
praying for you!! if people judge, well, let them... they are wrong to judge and that's on them.
also the financial aspect is a legit concern...we are stressing there too and you are not selfish at all for desiring to bf.
take care of yourself as best you can...post-partum hormones are ROUGH. I blame Eve... no way God could have "designed" such misery lol. at least that's my take :)
Saying prayers!
Praying for you and George, Jenny! Bleeding and blisters is all so terrible. I had cracking and bleeding with Avery, and it was just awful. I totally understood why women formula feed. :) You are already and amazing mother, and you and George are going to get through this rough patch. <3
I feel your pain. I do. Ben was tongue tied and was losing so much weight we gave him a bottle. Then my milk came in and got his tongue clipped but he would have nothing to do with me. I actually felt rejected by my child.
Post baby hormones are a crazy thing. Keep that in mind. ;)
But let me just say this. I LOVE FORMULA! Ok, folks can get mad at me if they want, but I don't care. Formula was stinkin' awesome. It was so easy and convenient for me. Ryan got to feed Ben, so if I needed to be somewhere or needed a break, I could have it.
I mean, if I ever have another baby, I will try to breastfeed again just on principle, but seriously, formula calls out to me, "Just go with me-I'm cool too!"
Ok, so there's my weird post for the day. I will pray that it works out the way you'd like but that you have peace in case it doesn't. :)
Oh girl you know I am all over praying about this!! You are strong and we love you!!
I wrestled with the exact same issues with Mags. We were soooo broke I HAD TO NURSE! There was no option. We couldn't have afforded the formula past the free samples we got here and there. So much pressure.
But there is nothing wrong with this being about you! There is so much pressure for a Mom to nurse but there are a 100 issues that can happen in a matter of a few weeks that make you feel like you are drowning and all that stress really affects supply.
I dont' want to say "if you really want to nurse, you will find a way". That sounds crappy. Some women, despite their best efforts, just cannot physically do it. But if there is a drop of milk coming out of your funky nipples, I pray you keep trying. Keep George latched as much as possible. Use the shields, put Lansinoh on yoru nipples when he sin't on them. Don't use soap on them. Wear a good support bra day and night. Guzzle fenugreek and ther are also 2 others (one is milk or blessed thistle, can't remember which one). In combo, these 3 herbs are powerful. Check out Kellymom for nursing support. Call your friends:) 901-355-7902
George is still so little and things are so new. Give yourself a bit more time. If you need to offer him a bit of formula to ease your mind and fill his belly, it will not be the end of the world. As long as you keep doing your best, you are not a failure. You gave this child life!
That LC is amazing! Praying as you work through this, and that you will get to BF like you want, but also praying no matter what that you will be at peace with it all.
I had problems with my supply and K had neck issues and stopped nursing on one side. We supplemented with formula at the breast for 6 months (from 3 to 9 months) and she weaned herself off. K is now almost 19 months old and still nursing. If you haven't already, go to a La Leche League meeting. Do your best to make it 6 weeks; many times things get easier then. I'll send you a Facebook message with my number.
Hi! I was sent to this post about breastfeeding from another blogger. I have a 6 week old baby and am really struggling with milk supply. I just feel alone because literally all my friends have over supply. Any chance we could email?
jennyjohnson77@me.com. Email me!!
jennyjohnson77@me.com
Email me!!
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