Doc knows best.

First... thank you all for your kind words, love and support and all the comments on my last few posts.  Your comments helped me through 'the Sting' and got me to a much better place.  Love you ladies.  :)

I've been back to work a few weeks now.  I was off for 4 weeks and I dreaded going back for many reasons.  One being, I was afraid with having to be at work all day, that I wouldn't be able to get all my liquids/foods/protein, etc. in like I need to.  Well... my doctor assured me that once I stepped back into the office, I would meet my requirements easily every day.  I had my doubts, but she was more than right!  Not a day has gone by in the last few weeks where I haven't been doing everything by the book.  She told me that I would figure out a schedule and that schedule would even work on the weekends.  Right again!  I've developed a routine that works for me and my job and am loving it!  I'm feeling great and the weight is coming off very steadily.  I'm not weighing myself very often (maybe once a week), but my clothes are showing me the weight loss and I'm very pleased with how everything is going thus far.  :)

I've gotten several emails asking questions about what I eat, how much I'm eating and how it all works.  I thought I'd answer some of them by going through a typical day.   Feel free to message me or leave a comment if you have any other questions.  I don't mind answering at all.

My daily requirements are:
1.  Eat 3 meals a day, 2 ounces at each meal.  The amount will increase over time. But for now...
     Breakfast is 1 ounce protein, 1 ounce fruit.
     Lunch is 1 ounce protein, 1 ounce vegetable.
     Dinner is 1 ounce protein, 1 ounce starch.
2.  Drink at least 64 - 80 ounces of fluids a day. (I average 75 - 80 ounces!)
3.  Consume at least 75 - 90 grams of protein each day.  (I average 90 - 95grams!)
4.  Take a bunch of chewable multi-vitamins, calcium, vitamin D, etc., etc.
5.  Exercise at least 30 minutes a day.

First thing in the morning, I take some meds.  Because my stomach was rearranged, the opening from my new stomach (or pouch) to the intestines is very little.  I have to split up my tiny pills and take a 1/2 pill every 15 minutes.  It takes me 1 hour to take 2 tiny pills.  Woozers.  It's not a problem.  I use this time to start drinking my liquids for the day.  I just start sipping on my water and get ready for the day.

My tiny pills.

My vitamins.

After my meds and my first set of vitamins, I drink a super yummy protein shake.  I use this website and I am loving my protein.  Each shake has around 32 grams of protein or more, is easy to make and they all taste great! These drinks are a major reason why I can get all my protein in each day without any problem.  On work days, I might do a combo of milk/dry milk, but for now I'm enjoying these.  Yummo! Here is a delish strawberry banana shake! I also love the lemon, banana shakes and blueberry shakes... and so do Sew and Ann!

Next up is a little more water and then breakfast!  When I'm at work, I typically will do 1 ounce of cheese and 1 ounce of some type of fruit.  Since I was home yesterday, I made myself a special treat.  I had 1 ounce of egg beaters and 1/2 ounce of cubed ham and 1/2 of cheese.  Put them all together and I had a tiny little omelet packed with protein!  

2 oz. omelet!

After each meal, I have to wait 30 minutes before drinking any fluids. After breakfast, I drink my first 20 ounces of water and then I'm back for another protein drink.  Yesterday, I had a chocolate/peanut butter protein shake from the same website as above.  It tasted so good! And it had a whooping 38 grams of protein.

Seriously delish!

Next up is lunch!  The chocolate shake I had yesterday was so filling, I had to wait a bit after I drank it to eat.  It had a 1/2 T. of peanut butter in it, so that is what probably filled me up so much.  After that all settled, I had 1 ounce of chicken with a tiny bit of fat-free chicken gravy and 1 ounce of cucumber slices.  

Next up... more water!  I think water is so important!  I feel so good when I drink a lot of water.  So, I sip and I sip and I sip.  I also take some more vitamins at lunch.  I drink water until dinner time.  If it is a work week... I go and walk at the gym 1 hour before heading home.  While I'm there, I drink 20 ounces of water as well, especially if I meet with my trainer.  They work my butt off... literally! 

Dinner time!  DH and I aren't always eating the same thing, but now that I'm eating more than beans and cheese, I can make a dinner that we can both enjoy.  Mine is just 2 ounces and he eats a bit more.  Last night we had chicken (I made mine into chicken salad) and some mashed potatoes.  I had sweet potatoes last week and they were so yummy as well.  I take more vitamins and some other meds at dinner too. 

Yep, that's a baby spoon!

So... some of my pictures make the food look a little big.  I always eat on a tiny plate with my little one ounce dishes.  The glass bowl and the little plastic cup are both one ounce items.  Here is a picture of my little dishes on a regular plate with a regular spoon.

After dinner, I drink water until I'm ready for bed.  If I'm still needing protein, I might drink some milk/dry milk combo or do another protein shake.  Normally, by dinner, I've had more than enough protein in for the day at this time and just try to get as much water as I can.  Yesterday, I had 98 grams of protein and 84 ounces of water.  So far, so good.  :)

I feel like I am always eating and or drinking.  It's funny that I feel that way, given the fact that I only eat 6 ounces of food a day.  How can I eat so little?  I'm not hungry at all.  I have no feeling of hunger, which is how this all works.  Eventually, as my pouch gets larger, the feeling of hunger comes back, but not for a long time.  I can take a sip of water and feel full.  Two ounces of food is almost too much.    Next month, I move up to three ounces and I do not even know how that if going to work... but it will.  Eventually, I'll have around 8 ounces at a meal.  For now, I don't mind the small amounts.  I still take a long time to eat.  I take everything very slow and it has always worked without a hitch!  I've been very lucky.

Then I go to bed and start all over the next day!  Now I'm off to the gym... have a good day! 

Today in numbers

THREE pregnancy announcements today.

TWO birth stories and pregnant bellies at lunch.

Instead of focusing on those numbers... I'm concentrating on my own numbers.

I'm down TWO shirt sizes and ONE whole (almost TWO) pant size!!!

That makes for ONE happy Jenny!!

The Sting

Doug came home last night and we were doing our normal 'catch up' chatting.  He then took a big sigh and told me that one of his fellow teachers and her husband are expecting their first baby.  

Then I saw it.  I saw 'The Look'. He had the same look on his face that I've had on my face a dozen times.  The look that says, "I'm really happy for them, really I am.... but this hurts.  It stings.  When will it be our turn?  Why is it so easy for other people and so hard for some?"  That look on his face (and the news) stung - bad - for both of us. 

I think the news stung even more last night than with other pregnancy announcements.  I don't even know this couple.  Why should their wonderful news affect me so much?  Because it was the first time that a pregnancy announcement affected my husband.  It was the first time I saw the pain in his eyes that I've felt in my heart for the past year.  It was the first time I saw the fear that we will never have a little announcement of our own.  It was the first time I saw how much infertility hurts my husband.  And that just stings. 

I told you...

I told you there would be party hats! We might have been sound asleep at midnight, but we still had a little fun! Doug is such a good sport. :) Happy 2011 everyone!!

See you later 2010 and some updates!

I will not miss 2010.  Between broken pipes, broken floors, lightening and broken bodies... 2010 has been a year.  It has not been all bad.  There have been some great great times mixed in with the bad and I'm thankful for it all.  Well, maybe not this one. I've learned a lot, made some of the best blogger friends ever and DH and I have never been better.  Even still, I'm looking forward to ringing in 2011 and a fresh new start!  I think we are ringing in the new year on an upswing.  DH and I are both moving to a healthier lifestyle and are determined to make 2011 a year of good health (even if that includes some surgeries!). DH and I even have little party hats for New Years Eve.  Granted, DH is trying to sleep off a horrible cold right now, but still, we are still wearing those hats tonight!! I'm sure he will love that!  Hahahaha!  I'm not sure we will make it to midnight, but we will see!

I'm three weeks post-op from my WLS and doing incredibly well.  I am SO thankful that everything has gone so well.  I have yet to feel any hunger and still need alarms and reminders to eat.  I'm eating food for nourishment only and that is great.  I'm eating 2 oz. meals, three times a day.  My food staples right now are refried beans and string cheese.  See... nourishment only.  It is not about taste right now!  Eating still takes me a long long time.  Two ounces takes about 45 minutes to an hour, depending on if it is beans or cheese.  I still set a two minute timer between each bite and wait.  I feel like I sip water and/or protein drinks all day long!  Sipping 64 - 80 ounces of water/liquids takes all day.  Literally, sipping, from a sippy cup or sports bottle.  I use the sports bottle for most drinks and drinking too much at a time can cause some serious pain.  Luckily, that hasn't happened much for me.  So, I just sip, sip, sip and sip some more.

I am just now finally getting in all my liquids and all my protein (at least 70 - 90 grams a day).  It seemed like the first several weeks, no matter how much I sipped, I could NOT get all the liquid in.  I struggled with this so much and I was always coming up short!  The protein was equally hard, but once I started to eat more cheese, it got a bit better.  For my protein drinks, I'm mainly doing milk with dry milk mixed in.  It taste good to me and gets me to my protein goals the majority of the time.  I haven't found a protein mix or drink that I like more than the plain old milk/dry milk combo.  I bought samples of things to try, but I just gag when I try to drink them.  I'm a water and milk gal and it is really showing here.  I'm far from perfect in the liquid/protein department, but I'm getting better day by day.  It's kind of like a one step forward, two steps back process.

Energy wise, I go up and down.  I feel that slowing and steady I'm getting more steady energy wise.  I'm trying to get lots of sleep at night and I find myself not needing or taking long naps during the day.  I'm up and going most of the time, but some times I just feel so weak and tired.  Those times are few, but they stop me in my tracks.  Yesterday was one of those days.  I didn't want to do a thing.  So, I rested and then told myself it was time to get off the couch!  I go to the gym everyday (yay!) and I am walking for 60 minutes.  It feels great to get my exercise groove back!   I love love love it!  The gym is very close to me, which makes it easy.  There is no excuse for me not to go.  I use to find every excuse to just drive right by, but no longer.  I even have a fellow WLS buddy and some church friends that go there.  It's great to meet my WLS friend and walk and talk for an hour.  It makes it fly by and she had gone through exactly what I'm going through! I signed up for personal training sessions and I'm so excited.  I have always done best when I worked with a trainer, so I'm excited to get that going again.  I use to really want to be a trainer (in my skinny days), so I try to soak up all the information I can while I have them one-on-one.  I had a session this morning and it went great.  We had to take it easy due to my current lifting instructions, but I still felt so energized when I left the gym!  Whoo hooo!

While I feel I am doing the absolute best I could be doing right now, there have been many challenges along the way as well.  Christmas was one of them.  I wanted my surgery right before Christmas, so my recovery time would be while DH was off from teaching over the holidays.  As wonderful as that has been, being just 2 weeks post-op at Christmas time was hard.  I was still in some pain at the time, but I wanted to act like everything was A-OK when I was around both of our families.  Then, there were the big family meals.  I'm comfortable around my family, so fixing food and eating my little 2 ounce portion with my family was no problem.  We even had my seminarian friend Dominic over for Christmas dinner and it didn't bother me a bit to have my little cup of refried beans.

While that dinner went fine, I was worried about being the only one not eating at my in-laws for their big Christmas dinner.  This caused me way too much anxiety!  Seriously, ask Ann.  I think I emailed her a zillion times about what I should do, how to act, what to say, etc!  She was a great help!  Being fairly new to the family, I just wanted to blend in and you don't really blend in while eating from a tiny little cup and a baby spoon.  So, we just arrived a tad bit late and I avoided the whole situation.  DH was so kind to go along with the plan and it worked great.  He was still able to enjoy the meal with his family, but a few others had finished and I didn't have to be the only one not eating!  I also sat through a meal with my sister-in-laws and DH at a favorite restaurant of mine.  I just sipped on water and it went well.  While it was a little awkward, it was good to get an experience like that out of the way.  I had no desire to eat anything, but I hate feeling like the outsider.  It is a feeling that I have to get use to for the time being.  Not fun... but having my jeans fit better makes it all worth it!

I think that is about all the updates I have for now.  I meant to post this on Christmas, but it just did not happen.  So, better late then never.  Merry belated Christmas everyone and Happy New Year!!  Bring on 2011!!!

Prayer Buddy Reveal - finally!

I had the great pleasure of praying for Some How, Some Way, Some Day!  It was such an honor to pray for her since she prayed for me during our Ordinary Times go around!  I've been an avid reader of her blog for a long time now.  I prayed my little heart out that her dreams of motherhood will come true and soon.  I offered up my surgery pains for her intentions, those known to me and those that are unknown and deep in her heart!  Please know, SHSWSD, that you and your husband will remain in my prayers always!  And, you should also know... I'm notorious for getting out the prayer buddy gifts super late!  So you will be super surprised when it finally arrives!

Have you met...

... My godson Leo??!! He is the cutest little man and I just love him to pieces. I got a lot of quality snuggling time in this week, which I just loved! I am so honored to be his godmother. More pictures can be found here.

Big baby yawn. Ahhhh.

Finally able to see his eyes!

We went to over to deliver some Christmas presents ... So I got to hold him two days in a row. He is Santa's and my favorite. :) I snuggled him while Doug entertained the kiddos.

John Paul is a big Doug fan. Doug is great at reading books to little ones. I don't have that talent. John Paul and Madeleine both know it... they just go to him now. I love it... He will make an amazing father someday.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

Fertility Findings and Surgery Update

I'm just over one week post-op now and am doing pretty well.  I was VERY lucky that my surgeon, Dr. C, was able to examine my pelvic area after the bypass.  There was a lot to be discovered and I feel so blessed that we know another piece of the fertility puzzle.  Right before the surgery, she said she would do anything possible to give Dr. G an good idea about what was really going on inside of me.  She did a great job and I am so thankful!

Funny thing is... I learned about some of the findings from my own blog!  I was SO out of it after surgery that I don't think I really heard anything that was being said about what they found.  I was messing with phone and looked on the blog and read Ann's update and thought, "Oh, I have endo."  Hahahaha!

Dr. C looked around the pelvis and found out that I do, indeed, have endometriosis.  She could not comment on the extent of it because she said it was not her expertise.  It was in several places and also on some of my bowel.  She took a ton of pictures, some that she gave me and others that she will forward to Dr. G for review.  My left ovary was enlarged and hard a huge cyst on it.  My left tube also had a cyst attached to it.

For months I've had excruciating pain on my right side.  Ann nicknamed the pain, the Gremlin, and I think it accurately describes it!  Well, turns out the Gremlin is most likely my right ovary.  It is attached to my abdominal wall.  Ouch.  Totally stuck.  It wouldn't move at all.  It also had a cyst by it.  It was, however, a normal sized ovary.  Dr. C said that this was most likely the cause for my right sided pain.

While I am upset that I have endo, I am not surprised.  Sew smelled it on me as she always says.  Plus, the pain indicated that I had it and Dr. G assumed I had it... we just needed it to be confirmed.  This will most likely result in a surgery next year.  My pain is horrible and I cannot endure that forever.  Dr. G had talked about a surgery for the endo (even before we knew this) next summer, after I lost some weight and healed.  I am interested in what he will say now that he has all the pictures and the endo is confirmed.

Side note: My cycle decided it would show up while I was in the hospital.  I think there should be some sort of law against this.  CD 1, Cramps, the Gremlin and surgery pains should not happen all at the same time.  Ha!

********************************

In other news... the WLS went great.  It went better than I expected.  I did not expect to feel 'well' in the hospital.  I've gotten sick after every other surgery I've had.  They were minor (tonsils, gallbladder) and I was so sick.  I did not feel the least bit sick this time.  Whoo hoo!  My hospital stay went great.  They had me up every two hours walking and I walked like a champ... even with my IV and all!  I walked a mile at 3am the first night.  Yes, only 12 hours after the surgery.  The nurse told me I needed to sloooow down a bit.  Ha!  I was a total lap leader and took that seriously!  I'm a bit competitive, I admit it! 

I was in the hospital two days and then was released.  Things at home have been pretty smoothly too.  It is a big adjustment.  I am very sore and my incisions are still hurting.  Getting up and down from a chair or in and out of bed are the most painful, but getting better each day.  

I am on a very limited diet right now and am doing well with it.  I eat three small meals each day.  Small, meaning 2 oz. of modified liquids or mushy food (applesauce, smooshed beans, pudding, yogurt, cottage cheese, etc.).  Sometimes I cannot even get the full 2oz. down.  I am not hungry at all and have to remind myself to eat.  It takes me almost an hour to eat 2 oz!  I take a bite, set a timer and wait two minutes, take another bite and repeat.  I sip on liquids and protein drinks during the rest of the day.  The program I am involved with has is very structured, which I love.  It lays out exactly what and when I can and should eat.  It takes everything very slow and I like it that way.  It gives my new stomach, or "pouch" as it is commonly called, time to adjust to new foods that are introduced.  Here are pictures of my first meal in the hospital and my lunch the other day.  I love the little containers.  :)

                      

 

I take a number of supplements during the day as well.  I have a list of medications and vitamins and I check them off as I go.  That's a full time job in itself.  There are some that I have to take two hours apart, others I have to take before or after a meal.  I have to cut up the pills.  I take a pill, then I wait 15 minutes, take the second part and continue.  It's a process to get everything done.

I did have one 'bad' day.  It happened to be the day that DH was heading back to work.  I woke up and felt sick, which was very different than any other day.  I was nervous about DH being gone and I let my anxiety get the better of me.  I was so nervous the rest of the day.  It was hard to eat or drink... until he came home.  Hmmm... I think DH was my miracle cure.  Cheesy, but true.  

I have managed to lose some weight this first week!  I gained almost 12 pounds from all the fluids in the hospital!  They wanted to 'over-hydrate' me prior to my release.  They told me this would happen and they were pleased with the amount I gained.  Ha! I lost the water weight within the first few days being home and have lost about an additional 10 pounds.  I am trying to walk a lot during the day.  It's snowy outside, so I've just been walking inside the house and using the wi.i fit.  DH and I have been shopping several times to help get in some quality walking time.  Overall, I am pleased with the progress so far.  This is not easy.  It's not the easy way out, as some think.  Not at all!  I know that there will be many ups and downs to come, but am confident that this was a good choice for me.  I would still appreciate prayers as I continue to recover and adjust to this new life. 

Total God Moment

I am home from the hospital and feel pretty good.  Pain medicine does wonders!  I'll update on the surgery and all the fertility findings in the next few days.  Huge fertility insights were discovered!  But first, I wanted to share with everyone a true God Moment that occurred while I was in the hospital.

I had just arrived in my room after surgery when Doug came in, saying he had run into one of my sorority sisters from college. What??!! He only knows a few of my fellow DG's from college.  I was still so groggy at this point and could not really understand what he was saying.  This is right around the same time I talked to Ann.  I was beyond OUT OF IT!   So, my confused self started asking him questions.

Apparently when Doug was walking to my room, someone asked him if he was, in fact, Doug!  She recognized him as my DH from face.book!  They got to chatting and she informed him that she had had surgery the day before.  He got lots of info from her... but no name! When he was telling me all this I still had no clue of the identity to the mystery sorority sister.

Later, when I was a tad more alert, I asked the nurse if there was someone around my age that had surgery the day before.  She said one name and I instantly knew who it was.  I was thrilled!!!  The mystery sorority sister wasn't just any sorority sister... but one of my college roommates (sophomore year) and practically my big sister!  If I could have, I would have jumped up and down.

When I went walking around the unit later, I was able to see her - we will call her L!  It felt so wonderful to know someone who will be going through the same things at the same time that I already know and trust to no end!  We were very close in college and have kept in touch since, but we had no idea of each others pending WLS.  We've seen each other struggle with our weight throughout the years.  She is one of those friends that even if you hadn't seen her in a few years and you'd call her needing help... she would rush to your assistance.  I would do the same for her!  It will be great for both of us to lean on each other during this time.  We've already exchanged texts and emails and it feels so awesome!

I see God all over this.  It had to be perfect timing for Doug and her to be walking in the hallway at the same time and for her to recognize him and actually say something!!  Wow!  God is so good!! He really does know everything we need - even a surgery buddy!

Surgery Update - All good!!

Great news!  Jenny is out of surgery and out of recovery.  The doctor said everything went well.  I talked to her for just a bit and she sounded good.  Her throat was sore and she hadn't been awake for very long, but she was upbeat and our typical Jenny. She said, "Yea! I woke up!" 

She had asked the doctor to look around for reproductive issues while she was in there.  Some endo was spotted as well as one of the ovaries was stuck (adhesion, I'm guessing).  She'll get to go over those results with Dr. G later on. First things first.

Thank God!  Keep the prayers coming for her recovery, her husband & family.

-Ann

P.S. Totally off subject, but I feel so powerful being on Jenny's blog.  Don't worry.  I won't pull a Leila. ;)

Surgery Tomorrow and Nesting.

I think I finally know what nesting is all about.  I am far from giving birth, but I have been nesting big time.  I have cleaned closets, organized sock drawers, scrubbed floors, dusted like I've never dusted before and so on.  It's gone to a whole different level of clean in this house and I still don't think it is clean enough!  See... isn't that nesting??  I think so!

I've been nesting for a very important reason.  Tomorrow I will be having surgery.  I have been trying to get the house in tip top shop because I know that I will be out of commission for a few weeks.  I think my nesting has paid off... the house looks great!

As most of you know, I've had a life-long struggle with my weight.  I've lost 100 pounds, gained 100 pounds, lost some, gained some, etc. since I was in grade school.  It has been an ongoing battle for years.  I can remember being in 3rd grade and being made fun of for my weight.  I had this very cute shirt with the words 'Teddy Bear' Diner on it.  It had some teddy bears as well and I loved that shirt.  Two boys in my class teased me about it at recess.  They said that I loved being fat (which I really wasn't) so much that I wore a teddy bear diner on my shirt.  I was crushed and I never wore the shirt again.

I became the class leader and the funny gal to gain friends and I did.  My weight didn't hold me back from doing anything, but it will still always a struggle.  I don't remember a time it wasn't an issue.  I've done every diet, every medicine, every program, etc.  Some have been very successful for a good amount of time.  About 7 years ago I lost a lot of weight and was no longer even classified as over weight.  I ran several mini-marathons, was incredibly active and was even going back to school to be a registered dietitian.  I then broke my back in a car accident and the weight began to pile back on.  I couldn't exercise like I had been and I was devastated with every pound that was added back to my body.   It is not the car accident that caused it... I know it was me.  It wasn't the steroids I was on forever, it was me.  But that car accident and the years following were a turning point.

After the wedding last fall, the weight started piling on -- even when I wasn't eating anything that wasn't generally healthy and I was following a strict weight loss program.  It did not make sense that my weight was increasing and so rapidly at that.  It was then that is when I landed in Dr. Gentry's (my RE) office and found out my wacky thyroid levels.  Again, that's not the cause of my weight problems, but it was not helping matters.  He said my body was working against itself.  It was holding onto every single thing I was consuming and not burning much at all.  The tests they ran confirmed this and we've been working on getting everything back in order since that time.  Little has changed and my weight has hardly budged.

I started working not only with Dr. G, but with a team of bariatric doctors.  They all got together with Dr. G and decided that weight loss surgery (WLS) would be a great tool for me.  It's not a fix, but a tool that I hope will get me in the right direction.  I've been working with a local bariatric center for about 9 months -- meeting with them and Dr. G four times a month, blood work all the time, dietitian meetings with my skinny dietitian, nutrition and surgery classes, support groups, etc.  You name it, I've been there.  We decided that if the TTCing didn't work after a year, then we would head another direction for a bit.  We are there.

Tomorrow is my weight loss surgery.  I'm having the Roux-en-Y gastric bypass (RNY).  It's scheduled for 2:30 pm, but I could go as early as 1pm.  I'll be in the hospital until Saturday or Sunday.  I have a great surgeon and I am ready.  I'm nervous, excited, scared and thrilled all at once.  I think my DH is the same, but he hates surgery of any kind and is very nervous.  I only get nervous when I start watching discovery he.alth channel or Gra.ys Anat.omy!  Ack!

I really do think this will be a positive change for my health.  I've consulted with my ObGyn and she is fully supportive and thrilled, as is my PCP.  Dr. G literally was jumping up and down when I told him my insurance approved the surgery and I finally had a surgery date - he's a funny man.  My surgeon even said that while this might not 'fix' our fertility problems, it can only help it.  After all... on the sheet of possible complications we were given... "INCREASED FERTILITY" was on it!  Isn't that funny??!!  I had labs that pointed to little ovulation back when I was a normal weight... but still.  The weight is hurting everything.

I once that that surgery was the easy way out to lose weight.  I think I felt like that because I had done it "on my own" before.  I no longer think of this as an easy way out. I had a friend have surgery a few years ago and I got that out of my mind when he was preparing for his surgery.  It's not easy.  It's painful and messy and will affect every aspect of my life.  But it will be worth it.  There is no guarantee that this will work, but I'm willing to give it a try.

I'm so excited to not be confined in this body anymore!  I want to be the person that I use to be.  I have clothes -- cute clothes -- in bins in the attic.  I also have so many coats that are in smaller sizes.  I really have every size clothing from a 12 up - that's tiny for me.  All in bins.  All ready to be worn again.  I never got rid of my skinny clothes, because I wanted to get back there.  I want to the clothes again.  I want to be active and healthy again!  I want to send out a Christmas card NEXT YEAR that will wow people.  I want to recognize the reflection in the mirror - because right now I do not.

I am really lucky to be involved with such a good program for the surgery.  I will have support groups, classes, bariatric (I hate that word) cooking classes, free exercise classes, my own skinny dietitian (who I really do adore), etc.  The hospital has a special bariatric unit and I have heard nothing but rave reviews from past patients.  I have a friend who did a nursing rotation with my surgeon and on the bariatric floor and she said the same thing.  There is a reason the place is the most experienced center in my state.

My surgeon will also be looking around for the cause of my pelvic pain if she has time.  This is a big if and it might not happen.  There was talk at one time for Dr. G and my surgeon to be in the room together in case there was endo.  However, since this is such a specialized surgery, they decided against it.  I was very worried about this at one point while meeting with Dr. G.  I had question after question about fertility treatments after weight loss surgery.  I mean, what pre-op patient would worry about future Clomid absorption, adhesion's, endo and such!?  Ha!  Anyway... One thing at a time I guess. While I was panicking to Dr. G about all this, and he took my hand and said, Let's get you through this first step first. This weight loss surgery is your first unofficial fertility treatment.  After that, we will worry about clomid, adhesion's, endo and such, if we need to."  So... that is what I am trying to think about.  One thing at a time.

I would appreciate your prayers and support... no horror stories on WLS's please.  I googled that once - not a good idea!  Ann told me I was not allowed to ever do that again!  Ever!  I'm being positive about this and am confident that this will change our lives for the better.  I will be blogging about my journey and I am excited to see how it unfolds!

Thank you for all the prayers!!!  They are so very appreciated!

Wow

Wow!  What an amazing few weeks of blogger babies!!!  I am so thrilled I can hardly stand it!!!  God is so good!

I was at mass tonight and was feeling so at peace.  There was nothing different about this particular mass... until the intentions.  They stated, "For all those suffering with the cross of infertility...." and I lost it.  I did not expect to hear that at mass tonight!

It was amazing... and in a good way!  Tears filled my eyes and would not stop.  I immediately thought of our dear friend Nicole who was at that very hour pushing her daughter into the world.  I knew she was surrounded in prayers from the blogging world.  What an amazing gift.  How many people do we know that can say that they have people praying for them from all over the country??  I don't know many.  But, we can.  Wow.  That is so powerful!!!

I was so overwhelmed with how awesome that is.  Yes, I have the cross of infertility.  But I am so blessed to be a part of an amazing community that lifts people up in prayer at every moment.  Every blogger pregnancy, every blogger birth, every blogger disappointment, every CD1... they are all prayed about by tons of people who have walked the same path.  Wow.  Simply awesome!

Welcome to the world Hannah Grace!  You are so very loved by so many!!

We are an exciting couple.

My friends that have lots of kids often tell me that I am "so lucky" that Doug and I are still child free.  We can be exciting since we have the freedom to have wild weekends.  We can go out and and do whatever we want.  We can leave without a babysitter and take off at a moments notice!  

Well... they are right about one thing.  We are pretty dang exciting.   I was scrolling through some old pictures from last year and I found these.  I remember this was a Friday night.  The most exciting thing that happened was that we went on a hunt for the lost remote control.  Hahahaha!  We did eventually find it.  Yep, we are that exciting!!

Actually, we do have a good time.  But we rarely go out and get all wild.  We went over to a friends house this weekend and had a great time with a group of friends.  There was lots of wine and great conversation.  We even stayed out until 12:30am!  We haven't done that since ... well forever!  We were dragging the next day.  We went to 7am mass and then ran tons of errands.  We crashed in the afternoon.  We are not party people!

Here is our search for the remote control for the DVR player... flashlight and all!  Ha ha!  We did find it eventually!

Since Jelly Belly Asked...

... here are some of the Christmas decorations!


The fireplace and mantle. That is a place mat in the frame! My mom made all the stockings. They are for me, Smokey, Doug and the one's on the right are my mom and dad's stockings. She made them when they were first married. They will be here for Christmas, so I hijacked their stockings and put them up here.

Our advent candles are on the left in a funky holder. We got that for our wedding.  I wasn't sure where to put it, but it seems to go there just fine.






The tree, obviously. It is filled with lots of old ornaments from my childhood days. My parents gave my brother an I a special ornament each year. I love getting them out and remembering all the memories associated with that ornament. It is a tradition that Doug and I have started... Getting a special ornament each year to hang on the tree.  This year, we planned to use these as our ornament.  Scroll down if you go to the link.  They are made from our wedding flowers.  Are they on the tree??  Nope!  I can't find them!  I cannot remember where in the world I put them!  I'm hoping they show up before Christmas! Hahaha!





My fun new snowman pillow. I do love a theme!

Quick Takes

Wow.  I'm actually updating!

1. I met Sar.ah Pal.in last night!!!!!!!  She was at a local store for a book signing.  I was able to introduce myself and she asked me about my work and living in Indiana!!  Whoo hoo!!  She signed two copies of her book.  What a great Christmas present this will make for my mom and dad!

2. I only have one more night at my part time job and then I am off until mid-January!  I work part-time at a homeless shelter for women in crisis pregnancy.  It is a good gig to bring in a little extra money - but I need a break.  I sleep there several nights a week and I am just tired!  I go there late and wake up early to head home and get ready for my 'real' day job - where I've worked over 10 years.  Granted, I like getting paid to sleep... but sleeping at home for an entire month will be great!  After January, I'm going to be cutting down my shifts a lot, which is also good.  I love working there and being involved with the women so it is so very hard to quit.  But my body is tired and I want to have more snuggling time with my DH.  It is time for this.

3. All the Christmas decorations are up in our house.  We NEVER decorate this early.  This year we have a ton going on this December and I knew that if it didn't get done early, it wouldn't happen.  I love how everything turned out.  Move over Mar.tha Ste.wart, here I come.  Not really, but I'm trying.

4. I cannot wait for this little baby to be born!!  I want to meet him so badly!  Come on Baby Ice!

5. I have some cool new gloves.  You all know how I love love love my iPhone.  Well, I didn't love how I couldn't use it when I was wearing any type of gloves!  I like to use my phone even when it is cold! Ugh.  So... my hubby found some great Smarto.uch gloves by Isoton.er that work perfectly with my phone and were on sale!  Yay!  They would make a great gift for anyone with a touch screen phone.

6. I have been on an organization mission around our house.  I organized and used my wonderful label maker (that was a total impulse buy last time Sew was in town) on everything in my bathroom.  There was first-aid stuff, lotions, travel size stuff, medicine and such all combined in little bins.  No more!  Everything is in its proper place!  I love the look of everything split up in its proper place.  The labeling just makes it super fun!  I took EVERYTHING out of the bedroom closet the other night.  I got rid of some stuff and put other stuff in a better spot.  I organized my dresser and such at the same time.  I feel so much better!  The hallway closet is next.  Why is it that towels and sheets can become so messy!??  Then I'm on to the loft, the garage, the spare bedroom and more!  This is my own non-pregnancy version of nesting.

7. I'm excited about this round of Prayer Buddies!  It is so amazing to pray for someone else and think that someone else is out there praying for me too!  Prayer Buddy and everyone else too... we need prayers this week!  There is A LOT going on (which I'll blog about asap) and DH and I could use some extra prayer support!

Have a wonderful weekend ladies!!!

Plan C Success

Wedding Anniversary Cupcake Plan C was a success and we had a great 1st anniversary!  It makes me very thankful that Plans A and B did not work out!

The weekend started with a surprise overnight visit from my aunt and uncle. I say surprise because we found out they were coming a day before and we started frantically cleaning right away. They were on their way to see my parents and we were a great stopping point. It was SO NICE having them at our house! They were our first out-of-town overnight guests, other than my parents! I had not seen them since the wedding.  I so miss having family around. I grew up in Iowa and most of my family is there and my parents are in Ohio. I have a third cousin in Indiana and that is it! I enjoyed having company and listening to old hear family stories.  It was great for them to get to know Doug better and vice versa. So, to have some family come and stay was a real treat... even if I was exhausted from all the cleaning!

The rest of the 'anniversary' weekend was pretty mellow. We went to mass and out to a nice breakfast at the restaurant that catered the wedding. We took a long nap, watched a favorite movie and a little football too. We watched a little of the wedding as well. That was way better than the football! For me anyways!

It was nice to just relax and be with each other. We used the "good dishes" for all our meals, even our anniversary dinner ... which was incredibly fancy! Not! We had English muffin pizza's! I said it was a mellow weekend!

We also enjoyed the fresh cupcakes! They were much much better than the ones that were defrosted in the freezer! Here is the proof. Yes, yes, I know, way too many pictures of us and cupcakes! I was going for a record! Hahahahahaa!

Warms the heart

We all know that Beth is super popular with bloggers.

Doug and I simply cannot compete in that department!  Instead, we try to be super popular with the toddlers in the area!  We love being among their 'favorite' people! Or at least, we like to think that we are part of that group!  Hahaha!  It might take a little brainwashing, a little bribing with fun toys or stuffed penguins and reading lots of books to them... but in the end, toddlers dig us (especially Doug).  

Here's a great example.  John Paul was pretending to talk on his phone.  To whom?  To Jenny and Doug!  Yep!  Success!  Every time we watch this (and I've played it a lot in the last few days), it warms both of our hearts.  Enjoy!

M and John Paul also make some great anniversary cards.  I think this is one we will keep for years to come.  :)

So Very Blessed

Happy 1st Anniversary Doug!  

I am so lucky that one year ago today, you chose me to be your bride.

I was (and still am) so happy.  You could not wipe the smile off of my face. 

 After years of searching, I knew you were the one that God had in mind all along.

  We've had an interesting walk this year... 

a walk with lots of twists and turns that we did not expect.

 I would not have it any other way. 

 I've enjoyed the dance...

 ... and having your hand to hold through it all. 

The wedding day was amazing.  It was only just the beginning. 

 I am constantly amazed at how much you love me and all you do for me. 

 I am so thankful for that love.

 I love and admire you more each and every day.

 You are my very best friend.

 I constantly thank God we finally found each other.

 I am beyond blessed to call you my husband.

Happy Anniversary Douglas!  

I cannot wait to see what year #2 will bring!


For an awesome recap of the day, click here!

This is a test...

... Of the BlogPress App! I was just seeing if I could post a bunch of pics with it! Here are some outtakes from our cupcake evening. Yes, we took WAY to many pictures. I went a little crazy with the camera! Details are posted in the previous picture post below! They were the last thing on camera roll... So that's why I picked them for the official test! Sorry for so many of the same event! Hahaha!

The new and delicious cupcakes (Plan C) are being made on Saturday!! Yummm.



















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